Saying Nothing at All

Llama's vocabulary

2011-01-27T08:28:00.003-05:00

"Case it up" : Zip my jacket
"No tae-bo there" : These shoes are velcro
"Sue-mah-nah" : Banana

When applying for jobs (I've had three interviews and I'm going to another one tomorrow, I have two offers and I'm hoping for at least one more), I'm going to start adding "two-year-old" to my languages spoken.

My word is my bond, okay?

2011-01-26T17:13:00.002-05:00

In an email earlier today, I told Sirius XM that I would never recommend them to anyone and would tell anyone who asked me that I had problems. You haven't asked, but I'm telling.

We bought a new car on September 16. It's a GM and it came with a free three-month trial of XM radio. The trial expired on December 16, and XM called our house daily with offers that got better and better, until on December 22, I agreed to a 5-month contract for $22.15. They took my credit card information, but I said I did not want to be auto-charged at the end of the 5-months. The gentleman said that they would send a bill, then, and not charge my card.

The bill came, I wrote a check (to be fair, Bucket wrote the check) and paid it. Then the credit card bill came and it was charged also. I called Sirius XM's customer care number and asked for the credit card charge to be reversed. They said it would take 7-10 days.

On the 11th day, I checked my credit card online and it had not been refunded. I called the number again, and the woman who I spoke with said that it would take another 7-10 days from that call. I asked her how my card was charged immediately but it would take this long to refund the money. She said, "That's how ev-er-y-thing works," in this sing-songy voice that I use to talk to Llama when she's being particularly toddler-ish and I'm frustrated.

I said, "That's fine, you can cancel my account altogether and refund me the balance of the contract." She put me on hold and came back and gave me a refund amount of $39.76, which would be processed by check in 3-4 weeks. The service was terminated within 5 minutes of my pulling the car out of the garage, so the kill signal was sent immediately.

I emailed Sirius XM using the link on the website to advise them that I was frustrated because they process the charges and the kill signals immediately, but refunds take so long. Also, I loved my satellite radio. Bucket has a receiver in his car that I got him when Howard Stern went to Sirius in 200... 5? Whenever. Long time ago. We've been customers for years. They offered me nothing, and continued to reiterate that the refund would take 3-4 weeks.

Bucket's contract is up in March, and guess what we aren't going to need anymore? Sirius XM radio. At this point, I would not even activate the free trial if we were to replace his car with a GM vehicle, that's how frustrated I am. You cannot tell me that it takes 3-4 weeks to process a refund when it took minutes for them to double bill me.

That is all. This is the most public forum I have, so there it is. Don't get Sirius XM unless you want to be double billed, treated like an idiot, and frustrated beyond belief.

An important lesson from my Llama.

2011-01-24T12:51:00.002-05:00

"Mama, you don't sing with me."

She has moved on from singing with me and she now sings solo. She has a set list that includes the alphabet and "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep," but her lyrics about the sheep are a little confused. I tried to sing along and help her, and she advised me that it would be best if I kept my musical genius to myself.

"Baa, baa, baa, baa, baa, baa, black sheep,
Any any wool?
Yes, sir, yes, sir,
Three bags full.
One for my master,
One for my lame (is that supposed to be me?)
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Any any wool?"

That's where it ends. There's also a new letter called "em-en-em-en-o."

Following up... And random thoughts.

2011-01-15T21:42:00.004-05:00

So, I alluded last week to having "fallen and busted my leg all up." What I did was sprain my ankle, tearing one ligament completely and partially tearing another. I get to go to physical therapy three times a week for a month, and then decide on whether I'd like some surgery or not. This must be the reason I'm unemployed!

You know how I said wine was one of my reasons to be happy? Well, I started Weight Watchers, so the wine consumption is drastically decreased. I figured that since I can't run my three 5Ks that I had planned (I should be able to run two, but I'm pretty sure I won't be running in March), I should probably do something else to keep my fitness momentum going. I'm not quite the biggest that I have ever been - that was at my wedding, the opposite of what everyone else in the world does - but I'm getting there and I don't like it. I'm almost to the end of my first week, and Bucket would like to get involved. That's saying something.

My little Llamacita was ready to watch the Miss America pageant with me tonight, but she didn't make it past the first elimination. She danced to "Dynamite," by Taio Cruz, with the contestants, and then she proclaimed it "Boring," and asked to go to bed. I know that pageants (excuse me, scholarship contests) aren't exactly the preferred viewing for preschoolers these days, but I have fond memories of watching the talent portions with my mom and my grandma. Imagine my surprise when I found that the talent portion would not be aired! I guess it's a good thing that Llama was too tired to stay up. She spent all of her energy cheering for the Steelers. She wore her jersey three times this week because I didn't have the energy to argue with her about it, and she wears a shirt under it, so... it was okay, right? Edited: Apparently ten contestants get to show their talents. The first one started playing Chopsticks. I'm not even kidding.

Llama and Tuna Roll are taking gymnastics together, and that is a sight to behold. Llama does not follow directions, because she only wants to jump on the trampoline and dance with ribbons. Tuna Roll does not want to come out from under her daddy's chair for the first half of class, and then she only wants to jump on the trampoline and dance with ribbons. We've been reassured that all new students act this way for the first couple months. I guess I'm paying for the experience of watching her not listen to someone else. It is not refreshing. Of course, she loves it and talks about it all week, so she will remain in gymnastics. I love her enthusiasm, and the class is at a cheer gym... look at what I've become! From a band geek to a potential cheer mom!?

I have a lot of unorganized thoughts about princesses, fairies, gymnastics and cheering, pageants, and socially enforced gender roles and how much I wanted everything to be gender neutral around her as a baby so she would CHOOSE her way. Yeah, she chose sparkles, pink, fairy wings and wands. But she also chooses dump trucks, excavators, backhoes and sandboxes, and she regularly approaches Bucket and me with her fists up and asks us if we want to fight her. If nothing else, she's well balanced. And aggressive.

Until such time as I have another thought that's too long for Facebook or Twitter... Good night!

2011: Not our best year so far.

2011-01-09T22:28:00.002-05:00

At this time last year, we were in Disney World. It was much preferable to what I've done so far this year, which is get a lot of rejection letters from companies to which I've applied for jobs, and fall and bust my leg all up.

But lo! There are many reasons why I'm happy. Behold:

1. My little Llama calls me "Mamacita." And I call her Llamacita, even though Llama certainly isn't her real name. She makes me laugh every single day, sometimes at the last possible second before I get super angry with her. Three looms large, and I've heard "Terrible Twos... Torrential Threes... F-ing Fours."

2. Wine.

Okay, I'm out of reasons. But now that I'm fairly immobile, have graduated with my M.Ed, and am unemployed (but Llama goes to daycare three days each week so that we can keep her spot and she can continue to see other people and be less feral, more social)... I have nothing to do but apply for jobs, stalk people on Facebook, obsessively read newspapers online, and blog. Ha!

Love is a verb.

2010-10-16T21:49:00.002-04:00

I have spent a lot of time trying to decide how to write this particular post. The title came to me in the middle of an eight-hour long drive, but the words have been elusive.

September 20 was Bucket's birthday. It was also the day that he left Pittsburgh for the state of Indiana, near Chicago, for work. He was gone for almost three weeks, and each night it got harder and harder for Llama. She's a daddy's girl, almost without exception, and she was missing him. For the first few nights, I handed my cell phone to her and she talked to him on the phone. She started waking up in the middle of the night, crying and asking me to get her daddy.

Bucket went and bought a webcam. My laptop has one built in. For the next week, we used Google's video chat (super simple and already set up because we both have Gmail accounts), and that helped a bit because they could see each other. But it got harder and harder for us to coordinate the chats because of his work schedule, her bedtime schedule, and the one-hour time difference. On the first night we missed one, Llama got up in the middle of the night, crying and asking me to get her daddy. On the second night we missed one, the same thing happened, only it was worse because she was hitting me and telling me that I wasn't her daddy, and begging me to go get him.

I had a free weekend, with nothing going on (a rare thing). I have a brand new car. What was stopping me from taking her to Indiana? It would be the longest drive I'd ever done alone, but I seemed to be one of the only people who was NOT concerned by that. Llama has puked in or on the way to Erie (PA), Sandusky (OH), Orlando (FL), Annapolis (MD), and many other places. But the seats are leather and she's washable. I determined that we would leave on Friday afternoon, after I was done with my internship hours, and drive through the evening and arrive about midnight.

The next day my cell phone leapt out of my pocket and into the toilet of doom. I frantically stuck my hand in a vessel of my own urine to save it, but it was not to be saved. Would I make this drive without a cell phone? No. I paid an obscene amount of money to replace it with a clone. The clone is even purple like the old one was.

My internship supervisor, upon learning of my plan, advised me to just take the day off on Friday and drive during the day. Oddly, she doesn't even know about my inability to drive safely at night. So we set off on our journey. Llama knew that we were going to Indiana and that her daddy was in Indiana, but I don't think her brain made the connection that we would see him there.

The drive was uneventful. I sent Bucket pictures from my (new, uncontaminated) cell phone at every stop so that he could see our progress. We arrived at Bucket's hotel and went swimming while we waited for him. We were the only people in the pool, and it seemed like we were the only people to use it in a long time. Llama has this neat little lifejacket/arm floaty thing and it keeps her pretty independent in a swimming pool. She's never more than an arm's length away from me, but she does not like to be constrained. She paddled around for almost an hour.

We went back upstairs, showered and cleaned up, got out some books and puzzles and played for a while, and then Bucket sent me a text that he was almost there. His room was directly over the entrance to the hotel, which was excellent for this next part. I put Llama in the window as he pulled into the parking lot. She was happy, looking at cars and telling me what color they were. And then he got out of his rental car. Llama could not contain herself - her excitement and joy were just too big. She was jumping and saying, "My daddy! My daddy is here! Look, it's my daddy!" and then he looked up and waved to her. I was in tears over how happy I had managed to make her, and we went out to meet the elevator. She was wiggling and jumping and laughing, and she kept patting his face and hugging him and saying, "My daddy." It was one of the best moments of my life, and it had nothing to do with me.

Another "Llama in church" story, and a song.

2010-09-26T12:55:00.002-04:00

So I keep trying to take Llama to church. Mostly because I like church, it used to help me find peace and meaning in my life. Taking Llama mostly helps me find anger and embarrassment, but I keep trying.

Today, Father B was praying over the Eucharist, and Llama apparently thought it should be her turn to speak. "Make him stop talking now, okay?"

At least my mother-in-law says that Llama isn't as difficult in church as her father was. Llama looked cute, anyway. And on the way there, she was joyful about getting to go to church. She seems to like it, even if she doesn't quite get the whole "sitting quietly" concept.

Now for the song. Llama was singing to me this morning because she was awake and I was mostly not awake, but we were snuggled in bed together since we're on our own right now. (Bucket's away for work.) "Rock a bye baby, little baby, little baby. You are so cute. I will rock you and rock you and rock you... all fall DOWN!"

Tidbits from Llama

2010-09-19T21:37:00.003-04:00

Llama is all about writing her name lately. She can't write it herself, she wants me to do it.

Llama: Write my name. (Hands me paper and a crayon.)
Me: (Carefully block printing each letter and saying them each out loud.)
Llama: Where is the Q?
Me: There is no Q in Llama.
Llama: Put a Q in it.
Me: Only bad parents put Qs where they don't belong.

Llama: (Walking down the front stairs in the morning) I'm Biggie Talls!
Me: Do you even know who Biggie Smalls was?
Llama: It's me!

(Singing in the back seat) "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle star. Star star star star star. Up sky, up sky, up sky. Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle staaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!"

Edited because I almost forgot this one:

Bucket fixed one of the cars today and took it for a drive. Llama asked me 58 times where he went, and the first 57 times I answered her, I said, "He took the blue car for a ride to see if it's working." On number 58, I said, "He went to join the circus, he'll be back in a little bit." Upon his return, she said, "Hey, Dad! How was the circus?" He was mystified. I was more than a little amused.

"Only say the word and I shall be killed."

2010-08-22T13:09:00.004-04:00

There are two stories intertwined in this one post. I'll try to keep it from being confusing.

We're Catholic, I might or might not have said that at some point before. Llama and I have just started going back to church since I finally feel like I can sit through a Mass without crying and making a fool of myself. This was our second week back, and Llama was in rare form. She has allergies or a cold (I can't tell yet), she was out too late last night and up too early this morning, and church is generally difficult for a 2 year old. So she was in full Llama effect.

At one point, she threw her cup toward the back of the church. I didn't see where it went, and I'm pretty sure a very nice man either caught it or was hit with it. (He returned it to me, but I'll get to that.) I whispered, "That was a bad choice, now you have no juice." That was perhaps a bad choice on MY part, because in her anger at being juice-less, Llama ripped off her plastic necklace that she had chosen to wear and threw that too.

At that point, I was remembering how Aunt Dots used to think that when we say, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you; but only say the word and I shall be healed," that we were saying, "...only say the word and I shall be killed." The fact that she continued to attend church and receive communion, believing all the while that she might at some point be killed as she approached the altar... well, faith is a strong and incredible thing, I'll just say that.

I was very embarrassed by Llama's tantrum and throwing of possessions, and I was wishing that God might see fit to kill one of us, and I was hoping it would be me. However, the necklace and juice cup were returned to me, and I apologized and thanked the poor targets. I hid Llama's stuff from her so that she would have no further throwing opportunities.

Mass progressed without incident until we were all offering each other peace, shaking hands and exchanging nice words. Llama took the opportunity to say, loudly, "WHERE MY JUICE CUP GO!?" How peaceful.

Neither of us were killed approaching the altar. Clearly Llama is feeling more peaceful, because she fell asleep in the car and I couldn't even wake her up for lunch. I know she's still alive because she's snoring.

Oh, the places we've been...

2010-08-15T21:04:00.002-04:00

Well, welcome back to myself (again). I seem to have this nasty habit of living life and getting so involved in it that I forget to blog about it. And really, this is supposed to be the scrapbook/journal for Llama. However, as often happens, I currently have something to talk about that isn't open for discussion with a two-year-old, no matter how smart she may be. (And she is pretty smart, but that's for another day.) So, things we've seen or done this summer:

1. Bucket wrecked his car. He was and is fine. We bought a new car yesterday. It's a 2010 Chevy Equinox and it's silver. It's very fancy. My 2005 Subaru Legacy was the first brand new car I'd ever driven, and now this is the second. Bucket is a very special kind of guy, and so I get the "new hotness," and he gets "old and busted." The Subaru isn't old and busted in any capacity, but it does get much better gas mileage. And it's small and fast, which are desirable characteristics on the highway and not so much in the pre-school dropoff line.

2. Llama has TWO new cousins. They don't have secret blog names yet. The lucky parents are The Army Guy and Frenchy (a little girl born June 11) and Hawaiian Punch and iHusband (a little boy born August 4). I'm jealous.

3. This is the reason I'm jealous, and also the thing I most need to write about. I had a miscarriage. It was the third miscarriage. I had one before Llama, one when she was nine months old, and one in July. It's kind of the reason I dropped off the map (this time). I still just don't know what to say, other than I know with every part of me that I am a good mom, a deserving mom, and I will eventually understand the reason why I can't seem to do "pregnant" well. I finally went back to church today. I hadn't been all summer - first because I was pregnant and sick, and then because I was just so sad and angry, and there was a healthy dose of guilt in there. The guilt was and is unfounded, but that doesn't make it go away.

I have so much else to say, but apparently, I'm still not able to put it into real words. I'm not sure if that's because it's so hard for me to understand, or because I'm worried that putting this information out there will upset the people who read this who I love so very much, or what the reason might be. It's hard to even distinguish in my mind. I don't begrudge my sisters-in-law their gorgeous babies. I don't want to replace my Llama's baby times with new baby times.

In fact, I wasn't even a good baby mama. I like sleeping and drinking alcohol and not wearing pads in my bra and not feeling like a slave to a little tiny thing. At one point during Llama's very tiny times, I was sitting there in the middle of the night, looking at her nursing, and she popped off and looked at me with her giant blue eyes... and I thought, "You were sent here to destroy me." And then I woke Bucket and made him take the baby, because I was clearly too tired and stressed to be in charge anymore. I'm adding that story to illustrate how very much I was not a glowing, happy, lovely new mom.

I'm much better with a two-year-old. But I want her to have siblings with whom she can share all of the crazy. My brothers and I have shared experiences that have defined us and our relationships, and there is nobody who understands where you came from like someone who also came from that place. I'm not planning to be crazy or to introduce crazy or to even let Llama know what crazy is all about, except that THAT makes me crazy. Does that even make sense? Even "normal" families are crazy. Everyone has crazy and some people hide it better... but I want Llama to have someone to call and say, "What. the. fuck. is. Mom. talking. about!?!?!" and that person will be able to answer. Or not, and they'll commiserate about how batshit insane I am.

But I also want another child because I'm meant to have more than one child. I hope. I think. I mean, I don't know for sure or anything, but I just don't see my car as only ever having one baby seat in it. We have a lot of love and a lot of crazy. We can and should share it with another person.

I'm all over the map tonight. To recap: Bucket's car is gone and we have a new car. We have a new niece and a new nephew. Llama is an only child for now and I don't want it to stay that way, but it's not up to me and that's sad.

Fin.

PS: I say this all the time, but I have big plans for more posting. Ha.

Title needed.

2010-05-25T19:49:00.002-04:00

Today was a beautiful, sunny day, so my work friend and I decided to eat our lunches outside. We were sunning ourselves, having one of those roundabout conversations that starts nowhere and ends on something interesting and possibly important. I think it started with my statement that our school did a huge disservice by putting a parking lot on the riverfront property instead of something that would have a nice river view. So she told me a story about a kid who got drunk on our campus and fell in the river and drowned. (Cheerful, right?) So then I told her a story about a kid in a wheelchair who froze to death on another state school’s campus closer to where I’m from. And then it turned to our discussion of how neither of our undergraduate schools ever canceled school for snow. (I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.) And THEN it turned to a discussion of driving in the snow even when roads are closed. And then I said that a big part of why Bucket and I even have a relationship is because of a car accident I had. After the story of that, she said I should write a book. (See, I told you I was going somewhere.) The book would be my memoirs… my crazy childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. But told through my skewed lens, and amusing. Not “A Child Called It,” and not even “Running with Scissors.” So now I need a title. The current front-runner is, “You Won’t Die… But You’d Be Surprised What You Can Live Through.” But that is still a little depressing, and it’s from “The Return of Jafar.” I don’t think Disney wants their words attached to my life story. Leave suggestions in the comments, and remember… funny!

So here’s the story I told her:

I didn’t get my drivers’ license until I was 18, because my mom didn’t want me on her car insurance. I failed my test twice, and the examiner passed me on the third try… probably because he was tired of seeing me exceed the speed limit on Buffalo Road and make illegal left turns. I spent the better part of one paycheck ($200) on a 1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88, and it was five colors. I didn’t exactly love it, but it was a set of wheels and that meant freedom.

So I drove that for a while, and then my mom’s boyfriend (we’ll call him Bob, because that’s his name, and I don’t protect the guilty) told me about a 1989 Ford Taurus that a guy was selling. I spent the better part of a FEW paychecks on that one ($1000, a princely sum in the year 2000 for a college student with a part-time job) and it was perfection. I love, love, loved that car. I drove it all over creation and it was reliable and it had a good radio.

Then I met Bucket. The car was not an issue because it worked perfectly. (Bucket is a fixer of cars in addition to his other many talents, if you didn’t know that.) I was on the way home from the mall one night, taking back roads because that’s what people where I’m from do. The Wolf Man and my youngest brother (did I ever give that guy a code name??) were in the car with me. A lady was tailgating me pretty heavily all the way, and at the second-to-last stop sign, she didn’t stop when I did. I was on the phone with Bucket at the time that I got rear-ended because we were going on a date as soon as I went home and put on my new clothes. I did not get to go on my date. The car was totaled. My heart was broken, but nothing else. We were all fine, lest you think otherwise, except for some minor bumps and bruises and soreness.

My mom didn’t want to help me rent a car (remember, I was 18 and you have to be 25 to rent a car) because… well, I don’t really know why. Probably because she had Bob the boyfriend and he was all about not being a nice guy. So that’s how Bucket and I got closer and closer – he would pick me up for a date, and then I could sleep over (just sleeping, you guys, I swear) and have a guaranteed ride to class the next morning. Or he could take me home and I wouldn’t be able to get to school. I’m ambitious and I always was, so I took that good deal and let Bucket take care of me.

When the insurance company gave me my check for the lovely Taurus ($1400, more than I’d paid!), Bob the boyfriend took it and came back with a silver 1985 Cadillac Sedan de Ville. It was interesting to drive, and I took it in to Bucket so he could investigate why it was so interesting. Plus, I was proud that I had wheels of my own again. Bucket poked around and said, “Heather, this car is stolen.” I disagreed with him, because… really, I’d given Bob $1400. Surely he wouldn’t have gotten me a stolen car, right?

Wrong. The back passenger window was plastic (not glass) and put in with bathtub silicone. The glove box was missing. And there was broken glass in the crevasses of the back seat. PLUS, the thing didn’t run right. He didn’t even get me a GOOD stolen car. Just my luck. But when I asked him for my money, or even some part of it, so that I could get a car honestly, he said, “It’s gone.” So I continued to drive the car and crossed my fingers every time I went somewhere that I wouldn’t get pulled over and arrested.

It eventually died… on the way to my Speech Communications final. I failed the final and the class, which was required for graduation, so I had to take it again. Without this interesting set of circumstances, though, I think Bucket and I would have gone on a few more dates and he would have graduated without us ever “making it official.” So thanks, lady who rear-ended me, and thanks, Bob.

A Conversation with Llama

2010-05-17T08:40:00.002-04:00

Llama: Belly hurts, kiss it.
Me: (kisses belly) You're probably hungry, let's get some food.
Llama: Frettist. (That means breakfast.)
Me: What do you want to eat?
Llama: Cakeys.
Me: Try again.
Llama: Pop Tarts? (All hopefully - they are a major treat here.)
Me: Sure.
Llama: And a beer.
Me: (Laughing.) Not until college, kiddo.

I realize that posting once a month is no way to keep readers interested.

2010-04-30T21:02:00.003-04:00

And now that my hellish semester is over, I can change that and go back to a minimum of weekly postings.

Llama turned two, and she deserves an awesome post devoted only to her second birthday party, so that's coming.

Aunt Dots is graduating, and she ALSO deserves an awesome post devoted only to her graduation festivities.

Two gratuitous photos:

Llama has outgrown her car seat. See how her head is over the top and the strap slots are below her shoulders?

On April 22, which is Earth Day, I saw the Green Power Ranger on campus. My friend and I chased him down and took pictures with him. He asked for "a big thumbs up," so I complied.

I have a lot less to do this summer than I've had for the past four months, so I'll be showing up in your feed a lot more. :)

A conversation with Llama

2010-03-31T08:20:00.002-04:00

(Llama is home sick. I'm home with her and she's starting to feel better, so I made an omelet for us for breakfast today. I was beating the eggs when this conversation happened.)

Llama: Eggys! (pointing at the eggs)
Me: I'm going to make an omelet.
Llama: Om-tit?
Me: Omelet.
Llama: Om-a-bit?
Me: Omelet.
Llama: Eggs.

Something tells me I'm in for a little trouble as time goes on.

Living intentionally

2010-03-20T21:16:00.002-04:00

Today I was lucky enough to attend the American Counseling Association's national conference. ACA was lucky enough to be able to hold it in Pittsburgh, which is of course a place that I hold near and dear to my heart. Very near, very dear. So much, in fact, that while I was handing out tote bags as part of my volunteer commitment, my colleague (who lives near Cleveland) told me that I made her want to explore Pittsburgh, and she was bound by everything SHE held near and dear to hate Pittsburgh. I directed people all over our fair city. Primanti's, Lidia's, the science center, and the Carnegie museums may all send me my check. A nice man told me he'd never seen a river before and asked me, "Where do I go to see the river?" I sent him to the Point and explained that there were three rivers that he'd see there. He was duly astonished.

The keynote speaker at the conference was a wonderful, interesting lady named Patti Digh. I linked her blog so that you can go read it yourself, because she is a much better writer than I am. She talked about living intentionally, about how we spend our time and energy trying to create the big memories (the Disney World trips), and how what we really remember after someone's gone are the little things. The rituals, formal and informal, that we go through each day or each week. The moments that seem like nothing when they're happening and are precious beyond compare when the person with whom we shared them is gone. I brought home two things - one, that as a mom, I want my little Llama to remember me as loving and fun and as the mom who was THERE. I'm afraid that right now, she knows me as some lady who provides the snacks every now and again. And two, that my job as a counselor will be to help "my kids" make good memories with their families and loved ones. To teach them to cope when I can and to be the bridge for them when I can't. I was really touched today. I know, I know, I'm touched every day. I'm always crying nowadays. I used to have a thick skin and I'm not sure where it went.

In any case, I have a lot to think about. I also have some new books, and I brought home one new book for my Llama. There's an opening party happening right now at the convention center, and the drinks were free. But I really wanted to have dinner with my little girl and my husband, so I gave away my ticket and came home.

I gave up sarcasm and mean comments for Lent.

2010-02-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

It's not really something I talk about on here or even "in real life," as internet people like to say, but I'm Catholic. We go to church as much as we can, which is hard since we've been living in a snow globe for the past few months and Llama gets bored. She tries to take the "snackies" from Father Boyle, too. Anyway, that's not the point of this. This is about me, not her. How often does a mom say that?

So I gave up sarcasm and mean comments because I use them to hide behind. Sure, they're authentic because they come from me. It's easy for me to quickly spit out something funny and cutting. I'm good at it, just ask anyone who's felt it. (And I do apologize if you've been the recipient.) But they're not authentic because I don't mean them.

The things that I really think, the things I really mean with all of my heart, are not the things that I say to most people. It's not easy to be a soft-hearted girl in a hard-hearted world. I'm a crier, and for the most part I've hidden that from people by laughing when I wanted to cry. Instead, I cry in the car when I'm alone. Or in the shower. Or, on one memorable occasion this week, in class in front of eight classmates and a professor.

So, if you have this blog link, it's because I love you and you matter to me. It's because I want you to know my daughter and you're far away, or because you don't actually know my daughter but I want you to know that she's a sweet, funny, adorable little lady who I hope grows up to know that she doesn't have to hide behind anything.

I gave up sarcasm and mean comments in hopes that I would become more true to myself. If you've known me a long time, you might remember a time when I wasn't adept at sarcasm and I wasn't that funny. I was awkward and scared and sad. I still am all of those things. Something touches my heart every day, and instead of hiding that, I wanted to be honest about it.

There you have it.

And days go by...

2010-02-25T19:52:00.003-05:00

Again, a month between posts. If I were trying to make money as a mommyblogger, I'd never be successful.

Gems from Llama's mouth in the past few weeks:

When walking past a construction site: "Backhoes. Escavators (Excavators). Pap-Pap ride on it." She's right, Pap-Pap does have a backhoe.
When asked what Mommy does: "Mommy pee potty." Good to know that my achievements have been noted.
When seeing me in a black bra, VERY excitedly: "Mick-ouse hat! Mommy Mick-ouse hat!" Thanks, kiddo. Mommy loves to have a Mickey Mouse hat on her chest.
When Bucket walked in the house after having his hair cut: "Daddy! Your head!" He replies, "What's the matter with my head?" And she says, "Is wrong." Awesome.

The fun just never stops.

2010-01-31T07:35:00.002-05:00

Bucket finally came home on Wednesday. I deliberately did not make it clear to Llama that he would be picking her up, because I didn't want her to be crying for him all day. (And superstitiously, I didn't want to be a jinx and make something happen.)

From what he said, she was so excited when he arrived that she could not stop running in circles and squealing. I don't have the right words, but I got a little teary when he told me that. She missed him so much and is so happy that he's home.

That said, though, a sick girl wants her mama. And on Friday afternoon of my much-anticipated weekend of having a second parent with whom to share all the fun and work, daycare called me and said, "Heather, can you come get Llama? She just threw up. A lot." In the 10 minutes between when they called me and when I arrived (it is only a few buildings away), she had thrown up again. And we made it almost all the way home before she threw up in her carseat. The vomit comet kept rocketing around until late yesterday morning, when my poor Llama passed out on top of me in what was (for me) a very uncomfortable position. But I was afraid to move because I didn't want to wake her or make her puke on me again, so I just laid in this contorted, hunched position for two hours in the corner of the couch.

Until Bucket walked in the door (very quietly) and Llama's Daddy radar went off and she popped up. I was both grateful and irritated. Grateful because God, thank you that I can move now. And irritated because she was finally effing sleeping and then she was not.

But we went to Target to drop $200 on random household items and diapers and all was well.

Whoa, two posts in two days? This hasn't happened in MONTHS!

2010-01-24T08:11:00.002-05:00

I was looking at my friend's photoblog and thinking that I should do the same thing. Daily photos. As long as I don't lose the USB cord (ha!), I might be better able to keep up with it. Here's the catch, though. My schedule right now is as follows:

Monday: Field Experience 8:45a-3:40p, Class 4:00p-6:45p
Tuesday: Work 8:00a-12:00p, Meeting 12:30p-1:30p, Class 7:00p-9:45p
Wednesday: Field Experience 8:45a-3:40p, Class 4:00p-6:45p
Thursday: Work 8:00a-4:00p
Friday: Work 8:00a-4:00p
Saturday: Housework, homework, shopping (for food and other necessities, of course)
Sunday: Church and family dinner

So the photos would be of various things I see as the day goes by. And my camera is not that good. But I do carry it all the time and take photos of lots of random crap. I mean stuff.

I'm thinking of starting it on Llama's birthday, which is April 17. Leave me a comment indicating if you think I'd neglect a photoblog as sadly as I neglect this blog, or if you think it's a good idea.

Thanks!

Some photos and some quotes from Llama.

2010-01-23T20:26:00.003-05:00

Disney World was super fun. There were moments where it was super cold. Llama fell on her face so many times because she just could not contain her excitement. Please note the scraped nose. But also the excitement.

The Army Guy thought he was going to have jambalaya for dinner. He was wrong. He got The Wang Platter.

And not Disney, but a rare family shot. Bonus that we're all facing the same direction and appear to be happy! (We were, in fact, happy.)

Now, the quotes.

Upon entering the water floor at the Pittsburgh Children's Museum: "Swim! Swim!" (While taking off her shoes.)
While driving home from the museum: "Daddy has a hamma." He does have a hammer, that is true. I'm just not sure why it was relevant.
In the grocery store: "Monkey! Monkey! Mama, ho ho ho all gone." Good call, kiddo. Christmas has been over for a while. That's why I'm not sure why they still have a Santa Claus overlooking the produce department.
In church, to a lady who had crutches and a leg brace: "You get up! Stand up!" Llama is the church enforcer.
Same Sunday, also in church, to the Priest: "Snacky time!" He didn't appreciate it the way I did.
And finally, tonight, when I asked her if she could say "armadillo": "Arm-a-dildo!"

Well, welcome back. To myself.

2010-01-17T06:59:00.002-05:00

Long story, no excuses. I haven't been here because life got out of hand. Since I last wrote:

I went to the funeral of the kid I wrote about last.
I turned 28.
I finished my semester with a 4.0.
Bucket's grandma died.
Christmas happened. Santa was good to us.
New Year's happened. Aunt Dots slept over with Llama and Bucket and I went out as a couple for the first time in forevah.
We went to Disney World with The Army Guy, Frenchy, and Z-man.
I went to my oldest friend's baby shower. And by oldest, I don't mean she's the oldest person I know. I mean I've been friends with her since we were 15.

Obviously I have a lot of photos and a lot of stories and a lot of things to talk about. I'm only going to tell the happy or funny ones here.

I start back to school in two short days, and I go back to work this afternoon. Somehow having things to do makes me more motivated than NOT having scheduled things to do.

Pictures coming either later today or tomorrow. Some of them. There are so many that I can't do it all at once!

A Fun Day at Target with Llama

2009-11-28T12:54:00.003-05:00

On Wednesday, Llama and I went to Target for a few last minute purchases (we hosted Thanksgiving dinner for 17 people). It was mostly successful, until I realized that I'd forgotten the very important Wii accessories that were actually the real (and secret) reason for the trip. I mean, how would I entertain people if I only had one wheel for MarioKart and one motion thingy for the Sports Resort game? So I took the stuff that I remembered to the car and we went back in. I got distracted when I noticed Yankee Candles. (Sidenote: I'm often distracted, in case that's news to you.)

So I stopped to investigate these candles and sniff them to see if I wanted anything new, because I'm ridiculous in the candle-buying department. I dropped a lid, and Llama said... FUCK. And my first response was to laugh, but I managed to keep a straight face as I came up from the ground, and I looked at her and said, "That is not a nice word. I'd like you to use a better one." Yeah, yeah, she's 19 months old and she doesn't understand logic. Well, whatever, she'll never understand if I don't work with her.

So she again says, "Fuck." And I repeat that it's not a nice word. She starts pulling at the buckle on the strap keeping her in the seat, and yelling, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I hustled out of Target with no candles. I got the Wii accessories later.

And do you know what Bucket pointed out to me yesterday? She was saying "STUCK." She does not like to be strapped in anywhere, and she proclaims that she is "stuck" all over the place. In the car, when she's being held against her will in places like church or time out... and in Target.

Good thing he translates for me.

Contemplating mortality

2009-11-01T20:22:00.002-05:00

My brothers lost a really, really good friend last night. He was only my friend by extension - I didn't talk to him regularly, his number was not in my cell phone, and we didn't email. We weren't Facebook friends. But he was family to my brothers, and so I grieve for him, his mother, and my brothers.

He was the first guy to talk to my youngest brother when we moved to a tiny little town. He was the kind of guy who literally would do anything for you. As I've mentioned a couple times, we didn't have the best childhood, and we cobbled together our own families as we could. This guy was part of theirs.

I'm comforted by believing that there is a Heaven and that he is there. I'm comforted by believing that God will bring his mother and my brothers and all of his other friends and family strength and peace. I believe that there are people who are too good for this world and they get called home too early, and that he is one of them.

Vaya con Dios.

Part Two: It's all fun and games until a random guy tries to convince you to get B12 shots

2009-10-31T08:32:00.002-04:00

This is the second part of the story of our trip to Great Wolf Lodge. Part One is here.

Okay, so Llama was bathed and ensconced in bed with Bucket, all nice and snuggly warm, so my brothers and I went to the Meijer store next door to find laundry detergent. I'd never been in a Meijer. It's like a super Wal-Mart, with food, car parts, clothes and all, but with the added benefit of having beer, wine, and liquor because it's not in Pennsylvania.

So we found the laundry detergent and I thought we were in business, but then Wolfman decided that he wanted to check out the alcohol selection. It was not great. It was the kind of liquor that poor, underage college students without any good friends drink. I'm talking about a gallon of vodka for $5. Even Vladimir costs $13 for a gallon - I should know, I drank enough of it. The Army Guy and I were just poking fun at the knock-off names, like John Danvers and Admiral Nelson (but there was no Jack Daniels or Captain Morgan), while Wolfman inspected the offerings.

Wolfman made the mistake of saying that he wanted Red Bull. A nearby man took that as an invitation to start telling us about his brother, the ER doctor, who regularly takes shots of B12 in order to stay awake. He talked at length about vitamins and how mega-doses of vitamins will provide energy and stamina. He also told us he had been awake for "days." Wolfman just kept nodding and providing more and more personal information, like "We're not from here," and "We're staying right over there."

At one point, I looked at The Army Guy and said, "Is this really happening?" and he nodded, so I guess it was.

Finally, I said, "We have to go, thanks for your time!" and started walking away. The Army Guy followed, and eventually Wolfman did, too. I guess I wasn't clear enough when we were little - you do not talk to strangers! You certainly don't tell them you're traveling! And so we laughed about it because nothing bad happened to us.

Part Three: It's all fun and games until your daughter sticks her hand in a strawberry margarita will follow soon.

It's all fun and games until someone throws up in the bed.

2009-10-29T07:30:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago, we set out for Great Wolf Lodge, with the intention of meeting The Army Guy, Frenchy, Z-man, and Wolfman for a great weekend of swimming and waterslides and family bonding. Bucket was less than thrilled, because he's usually busy on weekends and he does not take time out to go on waterslides. We left right after he got home from work on a Friday afternoon.

We drove for about an hour and a half, and Llama was super-starving. The kind of starving that causes her to shriek at me and throw her snack trap, because a snack trap is just not going to cut it. There is a dearth of resources on the Ohio turnpike, so we ended up at a rest stop McDonald's. (Note: I am not opposed to Happy Meals.) The line was incredibly long, they had about 3 people working, and nobody was happy. There was a man who said he'd been waiting for a chicken sandwich for 40 minutes. Nevertheless, we got some food and hit the road. (Another note: I used to be opposed to eating in the car, but when needs must...)

Llama ate nuggets and fries and fell asleep. The next hour or so was pretty nice. I started to doze off and... Llama woke up, angrily. So we stopped for diaper changes and running, but it was pretty dark and I don't like to let her run in parking lots in the dark. So I wrestled her little angry self back into the car seat with promises of swimming, which were met with smiles and, "Swim? When swim? Swim swim?"

The next hour or so passed uneventfully. Llama was sleeping again, and I called to let my brothers know that we were arriving shortly so they could meet us and help us carry everything in. It was fabulous. Llama woke up and was very, very, very excited, so we let her jump in the bed and run around even though it was 10 o'clock at night.

And then she threw up in the bed. All over herself, the bed, the pillows, and her blankies. Then she tried to run away from it because she's never thrown up like that before, and she continued to throw up. I finally caught her just in time for her to get it all over me, and got her into the bathroom where she got it all over the bathtub. Bucket, that very smart man, was already on the phone with the front desk getting new bedding and asking about laundry facilities.

There are more parts to this story, but I'm pretty sure Llama is calling Tokyo, so I should probably be done with it for now. Part Two: It's all fun and games until a random guy tries to convince you to get B12 shots, will follow shortly.

Monsters are happier than octopi

2009-10-27T07:38:00.002-04:00

Last year, Llama was an octopus for Halloween. She was very unhappy about it. There is photographic evidence, but I'm too lazy to go look for it. I'm sure you've seen it before. She was alternately angry and tearful, and her mobility was restricted. It was an issue for her.

This year, nothing could have stopped her. She danced on the tailboard of a firetruck before marching through town with all of the other monsters, grim reapers, and iPods. (Some costumes were more imaginative than others. There was also a pregnant Ben Roethlisberger. Someone should congratulate him. Her? Whichever.)

I had to be that mom and take her picture in front of the fireplace.

She acquired two treat bags, ate Nerds and Cheez Doodles, and was generally enthralled by all of the flashing lights. When the streets are closed by police cars, firetrucks, and volunteer firemen's personal vehicles, there are a lot of flashing lights. Llama likes them. She also likes candy. It was a good night.

A Lesson in Animal Sounds

2009-10-24T21:19:00.002-04:00

Llama and I went to a baby shower today. Of course, she tried to steal some presents. One of them was a barn shape sorter with animals, so my friend was doing animal sounds with her.

E: What does a cow say?
Llama: Moo.
E: What does a duck say?
Llama: Mwack. (Llama speak for quack.)
E: What does a pig say?
Llama: Shit.
E: I don't know that kind of pig.
Me: Laughing hysterically.

I have no idea how she made that connection. Of course, I do know where she heard the word "shit," and it was from me. It's time to clean up the ol' vocabulary.

I just can't seem to get it together.

2009-09-26T08:43:00.002-04:00

Once I get it together, I can't keep it together. If you've known me for a long time, then you know that I used to have a memory like a steel trap. I didn't forget things. I was able to keep a complicated schedule, including assignments for six different undergraduate classes, a work study job, and an internship, straight in my head. No forgetting. Only random use of my planner.

And now I seem to have lost all ability to do that. I have a planner. I live and die by it. If it's not in there, then it doesn't exist in my world. So since I never wrote, "Lock the car," and, "Hold on to your driver's license and debit card," in the planner... I didn't. I did not lock the car and I left it unattended on a medium-size public college campus for eight hours. Luckily, all that was missing was my grey jacket and the mail. Strangely, the Sirius receiver was left. Maybe they don't care about satellite radio. But I really liked that jacket, and it was so old that I can't get a new one to replace it because nothing new is as good as something old. Plus the mail... well, taking my mail sucks, because I had written checks for bills and such, and it's clearly an issue to have such important things missing.

And the driver's license and debit card. I put them in my pocket and I walked to the drugstore for some cold medicine. Somewhere after my purchase, I lost both of them. Of course, I didn't realize this until I was at the grocery store getting milk for Llama. (A day that ends without milk does not end, in case you didn't know.)

And so, I have money in the bank but no way to get it. And I'm a little scared of the whole identity theft issue. AND if I see someone wearing my great grey jacket, I'm going to jack them up. You just watch.

But really, all of this could have been avoided if I still had a memory like a steel trap. How do I go about getting THAT back?

A Photo Montage from Summer 2009

2009-09-23T21:43:00.004-04:00

Set to music. Not actual music, because 1) I don't know how to do that and 2) it irritates me when I open a page and the music scares me and I have to scramble for the volume button. I'll just illustrate some lyrics.

The song is "Daughter," by Loudon Wainwright III, and I first heard it at the end of Knocked Up, while I was pregnant, and I sobbed.

Everything she sees, she says she wants.
Everything she wants, I see she gets.

That's my daughter in the water, everything she owns I bought her.
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water, everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.

Everything I say she takes to heart.

Everything she takes, she takes apart.

That's my daughter in the water, every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.

That's my daughter in the water, I lost every time I fought her.
I lost every time.

Every time she blinks, she strikes somebody blind.

Everything she thinks blows her tiny mind.

That's my daughter in the water, who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water, I lost everytime I fought her.
Yea, I lost every time.

And now that I'm crying, I'll end this for tonight. The promised photos have finally arrived.

Tomorrow I will post a kajillion pictures.

2009-09-18T16:33:00.003-04:00

Today, I want to ask you for a favor. Go here and vote for which hospital you'd most like to see win a gameroom from Microsoft. You could win an Xbox 360, but I don't care about that. I care about sick kids having something to do with their time since they can't, you know, go home and play with their siblings and friends. If you don't have a favorite hospital, you can vote for Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. Thankfully, we've only needed them once and it was a very minor issue, but I am happy they were there.

Thanks. And pictures really are coming, either tomorrow morning, or possibly later tonight. But please go vote.

Blogging about blogging... again.

2009-09-04T22:10:00.002-04:00

This is just a short update in list format. You know I like lists.

1. We went to Erie for a couple days before my semester started. Llama had a great time. So did we. Llama learned that she really likes to swim underwater and that she likes to jump into the water from the side of the pool. I signed us up for swimming lessons.

2. The new semester started. I'm a stress ball.

3. Llama and I are going on a long weekend with Bucket's family. Bucket's not going. There will be an "Adventures of Llama and Tuna Roll" upon our return.

4. I have pictures. Lots of pictures. But they're on my camera and not on the computer. The situation will be remedied after we return from the long weekend.

5. I know I'm a bad blogger and I keep promising to be better. Sooner or later, I'll get it.

True Confessions

2009-08-19T20:50:00.002-04:00

1. I am a lazy blogger. I know, I didn't have to tell you that.

2. I'm drinking wine. Alone. Bucket has a class on Wednesday nights, Llama is cutting SEVEN teeth, and I need this glass of wine. I love it. Carl Reh is my best friend.

3. I got a B in my Tests and Measurements class and I have not even jumped off a bridge. I no longer have a 4.0 GPA of which I am proud, but instead a 3.83 GPA that I do not deplore. I won't say I'm proud, though. I'm angry, both at the capricious grading system and with myself for slacking off even a little bit this summer.

4. I not-so-secretly think that Llama and Bucket are in a conspiracy to kill me with messiness. If Bucket leaves something out, Llama takes it and hides it. If Llama takes something and hides it, Bucket picks it up and puts it on the kitchen counter. I will make a list of things on the counter: 4 black beaded bangles that I wore once, the >. key from this laptop, two pairs of my sunglasses (one now broken), a remote to one of the electronic devices in the living room that is obsolete, and Oreos. The Oreos were already there.

5. My seat in the mommy handbasket to hell is assured. Llama is getting SEVEN teeth and I didn't even know it for sure until tonight. She didn't want to nap today, only wanted to chew on me, so I gave her Motrin and waited for it to take effect, and then put her sleepy self down for napping. When she woke up, she looked like a sweaty, limp dishrag, and she had a fever. Even through the Motrin. And she finally let me in her mouth to see what was going on in there, and it was all bad. Poor little Llama.

6. Aunt Dots is going back to New York and we will sorely miss her. It is much easier to accomplish things when someone else is wrangling the Llama.

I know, six isn't a nice even number, but I'm stopping here. :p

Heather's Cardinal Rules of Mom-ing

2009-08-11T08:10:00.002-04:00

1. Do as I say, not as I do. When I tell Llama to touch gently, I am feeling less than gentle. Probably because she just whacked me in the face, the chest, or (Bucket's favorite) across the butt. When I say, "Inside voice, please," I am often screaming over her so she can hear me. As she's running toward the street, I'm chasing her, saying, "No running! No street!"

2. If there is an inappropriate place to poop, Llama will find it. Bathtubs, pools, church, a road trip on which there is not one clean bathroom for three hours. Those are the best places.

3. Cheap things are better than expensive things. A Cozy Coupe that I bought off of Craigslist and a diaper box are her current favorite toys. She ignores most of her other toys.

4. Really expensive things are better than anything else. She prefers to play with my cell phone, the cordless house phones, the Wiimotes, the laptop, and anything else with a cord and/or lights. Especially if it cost over $100.

5. Snuggling in bed is not optional. Every morning starts with a cup of milk and Sesame Street while we lay in bed together. Best part of my day, and I hope, hers.

News! And two recipes.

2009-08-03T19:26:00.003-04:00

First, the news. I resigned from the job that I started on June 15. It's totally not like me to quit something just because it's hard (and the job wasn't that hard) but when I thought through my priorities and things that needed attention, the job was at the bottom of the priorities but taking up way more attention than that. So I'm moving on. I took a graduate assistantship at school and Llama will go to daycare there. Real daycare, the kind where I entrust her to people I don't really know (wolves, as they're commonly known) and they let her wander freely. Please note the sarcasm. The daycare is actually on the campus of my school and is the only one I ever had a happy feeling visiting, so I'm taking it as a good sign. Llama and I will go visit ahead of time and make sure she's comfortable, but I'm pretty sure she'll like it because she likes just about everything and every place in the world.

And now on with the recipes! I know I'm just showing up to put up recipes these days, but as I've said before, I'm using this blog as a journal, a scrapbook for Llama, and apparently now it's a recipe box too. Maybe you're hungry for a specially flavored cookies and cream cheesecake. Or some marinated grilled chicken. Maybe you're not. But I want to remember these recipes because they were super good.

Marinated Grilled Chicken

juice from two lemons
juice from one lime
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 tbsp ground mustard
2 tsp honey
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tbsp "Italian seasoning" (or 1/2 tsp oregano, 1/2 tsp basil if you don't have the Italian seasoning)
1 tsp rosemary
1/3 cup Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper

Mix it up, let it sit in the fridge for a couple hours. About an hour before you're ready to grill, take the marinade and the chicken out of the fridge and brush some marinade on the skin. When you actually grill, brush it again on each side. Add more as you feel necessary. It covered two packages of "Pick of the Chix," from my local grocery store, so I guess about two whole chickens.

**I'm told that the secret to good grilling is leaving the meat alone. Flip only one time. I served this chicken with grilled seasonal veggies (peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, and onions) and a rice pilaf.

Super Cookies and Cream Cheesecake

Crust:
2 cups crushed chocolate cookies (I used chocolate Teddy Grahams)
2 tbsp butter, melted
1/4 cup packed brown sugar

Filling:
2 pounds cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 cups white sugar
1/3 cup Bailey's Irish Cream
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups chocolate sandwich cookie crumbs

Topping #1:
16 ounces sour cream
1/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping #2:
1 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

Combine all of the crust ingredients and press firmly into the bottom of a Springform pan. Bake for 5 minutes.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese until it's all soft and manageable (probably that's not the right cooking term, but I'm just a regular person here). Gradually mix in the white sugar until it's well combined. Add the Bailey's and beat well again. Add the flour and beat well again. Add the eggs, one at a time, and then the vanilla, continuing to beat well.

Pour 1/3 of the batter on top of the baked crust. Put the cookie pieces and crumbs on top of that, then pour the rest of the batter on top of that. Bake (in your already heated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit oven) for 45-50 minutes. Use a water bath, which is a pan of water in the oven on the rack underneath the cheesecake. It keeps the cake from cracking.

Combine the sour cream, white sugar, and vanilla and beat well. When the cheesecake is done baking for the first 45-50 minutes (it'll still be a little wobbly in the middle), take it out and spread this sour cream mixture on it. Put it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. Then shut the oven off and let the cheesecake sit in the oven for another hour.

Take the cheesecake out and let it cool all the way on a baking rack. Leave the pan alone. Don't let anyone stick their fingers in the cake. You laugh, but just try baking in my house.

When the cake is cool, mix together the heavy cream and chocolate chips in a small saucepan and cook them on VERY LOW until the chips melt and it's all creamy. Mix in the vanilla. Pour that on top of the cake. Put it in the fridge for as long as possible, which is hopefully 8 hours or so, but was only 6 for us and it was still okay. Put it in the back of the fridge if you don't want people to come by and think they should do a taste test for you.

It should serve 12 people, but it served 7 adults and two babies last night with two pieces left over. That might be because I had iHusband cut it, or it might be because I used a 9" pan.

**I used a 9" pan and the cheesecake was nice and tall, but if you want to serve more people with smaller pieces, use a 10" pan and adjust the times.

**A Kitchen Aid stand mixer would have been really useful for all that beating, but even though I have one, it's in the attic wasting away and making me sad. Small house = small kitchen = no room on the counter for my lovely Kitchen Aid.

Taking a tip from Aunt Dots...

2009-07-19T15:04:00.002-04:00

Crock-Pot Triple Chocolate Mess

1 chocolate cake mix (I used Pillsbury Moist Supreme Devil's Food)
1 4oz package instant chocolate pudding (I used Jell-O)
3/4 cup oil
1 cup water
4 eggs
1 pint sour cream (I used fat-free... oh, the irony.)
1 bag chocolate chips (I used Nestle's Toll House Semi Sweet)

1. Spray the Crock-Pot well with regular Pam (not the baking kind) or other cooking spray.
2. Combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix together. I used a whisk, but you can use a mixer. I thought the chocolate chips would get caught in the beaters and be irritating to me.
3. Pour the batter into the Crock-Pot.
4. Cook on LOW for 4-5 hours.
5. Serve with ice cream of your choice. I was annoyed that the vanilla ice cream came in a smaller (1.5 quart) container but cost the same amount as the cookies'n'cream ice cream (1.75 quart container), so I got that. But do whatever you like. :p

I can't take credit for this recipe, I got it from an old colleague. It's super good and super easy. Unless you forget to use Pam, and then it's a big old chocolate mess burned onto your Crock-Pot.

Enjoy. This will be our Sunday Family Dinner dessert.

So I went missing for a month.

2009-07-14T09:09:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry - it's been a little crazy. I'm working full time but just learned that if I bring my laptop to work, I have internet access, and here I am. I'm also still going to school full time and that is, as usual, awesome.

Llama walks, runs, says a lot of things that are hilarious, and does some things that are not so hilarious. For example, on Sunday, Llama and I went to church. I foolishly didn't make sure that I would have backup in the form of Aunt Dots or Grandma, and Bucket was working. So when Llama decided she was going to run, sing, and dance during Mass, there was only me to stop her. I was largely unsuccessful because all of the other parishioners were so amused by her dancing in the aisle that I could not scoop her up and run away. So that was not hilarious to ME, but to everyone else.

Bucket and I took Llama to Kennywood on Independence Day, and she rode her first ride ever. The Turtle Chase, as evidenced in this picture:

And before we left the house, giving me a little bit of attitude:

There's been a lot of whining and crying in the past month, and not all of it has been from Llama. Suffice it to say, I have already found my escape hatch and I am going to work part time at my school.

People have a way of being really crappy when they say things like, "I hate spending more time with other people's kids than with my own," to a mom who has just come back to work and is now spending more time with other people's kids. Or "Why would you work when your husband has such a good job?" Or "If you want to let strangers raise your child, that's your choice." Well, Llama's not being raised by strangers. She spends her days with Aunt Dots and Tuna Roll. And by most accounts, they all enjoy themselves.

And that's all for one day. I should be back in full effect now. :)

Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a living!

2009-06-16T06:53:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my first day of work. I haven't gone to an office or job of any type since February 22, 2008, when I got a blinding headache at work and called my OB to find out if I could take extra Tylenol or maybe even (gasp!) some Motrin. Instead, I got an immediate office visit followed by a trip to the hospital because my blood pressure was insane, and then a note for partial bed rest and certainly no more working.

Then I couldn't leave Llama when she was four months old (and I know people do it all the time, I just couldn't and thankfully didn't HAVE to do it). Bucket's work is lucrative enough that we weren't going to the poorhouse with me being home, even with my naptime-induced shopping issues. And then I started school, so I wanted to spend the first semester just settling in.

But now I'm in my second semester of school. And it's a counseling program, so I want to do some counseling work. Possibly even save a little bit of money because there will come a day when I have to work full time for free (they call it internship, I think they should call it indentured servitude) and we'll have to pay for daycare for Llama.

So for the summer, I'm giving it a shot. I'm working full time, going to school full time, obviously I'm mom-ing full time, and the house is not yet a pigsty. It's only been one day, though. We're lucky enough that Aunt Dots is home from school for the summer and we are paying her to love on Llama. For an added bonus, three days a week, Llama and Tuna Roll both hang out with Aunt Dots, so she'll probably never want to have kids.

Basically, this long-winded post means that although I have pictures, I haven't uploaded them. I will tonight, though. And writings may be sporadic until I get in a rhythm, so forgive me and stick with me!

Perfectly accessorized.

2009-06-10T09:36:00.002-04:00

(Not so wordless Wednesday.)

She may look like her daddy, but she wants to be like her mommy.

A Zoo Adventure (Go Pens!)

2009-06-09T11:16:00.004-04:00

Frenchy and I decided we would take Llama and Z-man to the Pittsburgh Zoo on Saturday. A good time was had by all.

At the gate, we tried to get a picture of them together in the wagon. (Please note that looking at Z-man is like looking at my brother The Army Guy 20 years ago. It's like a time machine for me.)

Both of them were cooperative with staying in the wagon, but not so cooperative for photos.

Z-man was really helpful with putting sunglasses on Llama all the time. He was kind of upset that she wouldn't wear them continuously.

Llama was anxious to show off her walking skills.

But her favorite, favorite, favorite part was the penguins. Since there was a Pens game Saturday night, we stopped to see the penguins for luck. (It didn't work.) And since Z-man has always gotten a stuffed animal at the end of his zoo trips if he was good, we stopped to buy him an animal. Llama first attached herself to a huge stuffed octopus that was as big as she was. I vetoed the octopus - first, it was too big and too expensive; second, we were NOT going to buy an octopus when that's what Detroit fans throw on the ice during the Stanley Cup finals. So I led her over to the stuffed penguins, of course. And she really liked this baby rockhopper penguin that she's carrying. (If I were a better photographer, she'd have her whole head in this picture, but I was chasing her at the same time.)

There's a Pens game tonight. GO PENS!

The Adventures of Llama and Tuna Roll, Number 3

2009-06-04T10:29:00.003-04:00

It's been a long time since I told a tale of Llama and Tuna Roll. Too long. They've had adventures, I just haven't told them. But I digress.

My moms' group scheduled a tour at a local dairy farm called the Spring House. It's less than 20 minutes from my house, so I signed Aunt Dots (she finally picked a name!), Tuna Roll, Llama, and me up. I thought Llama might like the cows and I thought Tuna Roll would just look around contentedly.

It was supposed to rain, so Aunt Dots and I were waiting to decide if we were actually going until the morning. But I got an email that we needed to be there by 9:45, instead of 10, which I thought. I called Aunt Dots, but got no answer. Turned out she overslept. When she called back, it was 9. Somehow, I was going to have to get from my house to Hawaiian Punch's house (where Aunt Dots and Tuna Roll were) and pick them up and then get to the Spring House in 45 minutes. Safely. Without breaking land speed records, because I don't do that with kids in the car.

I kept trying to print the directions and instructions, but my printer only wanted to print super large gibberish, so I forwarded the email to Aunt Dots for her to print. I also asked her to call the organizer, pretend to be me, and explain that we were running a bit late.

I scrambled to put a car seat for Tuna Roll in my car. Llama's, of course, was already installed in my car. I assembled juice and snacks, because Llama does not roll without snacks.

I made it to Hawaiian Punch's at 9:30, but Aunt Dots was not quite ready. Oversleeping will do that to a girl. We were on the road within 5 minutes, though. We had 10 minutes to make it to the Spring House. Not possible. I called the organizer and explained, and she said that the tours had been split, so we could still make it.

Then I asked Dots for the directions. Which were sitting on Hawaiian Punch's kitchen counter. AWESOME. I knew mostly where I was going, so I just winged it. (Wung it? That's what I say when I'm talking out loud.) Only I turned onto the right road from the wrong side, which I learned when I made Aunt Dots call the organizer AGAIN. Poor organizer.

We finally made it!

Tuna Roll petted a cow named Lilly, who stands there and lets kids milk her over and over again, all day, every day. Lilly is extremely tolerant, apparently.

Llama poked Lilly in the face a couple times and hissed at her. I guess cows are furry enough to be treated like cats. I petted Lilly nicely.

A very friendly calf tried to eat Tuna Roll's sock.

The same friendly calf licked Llama's face and hair. I guess now she has a cowlick in the front, too. (Ha!)

Llama helped feed this baby with a very big bottle. She also tried to take a drink from this very big bottle, but I stopped her.

Then everyone except Tuna Roll got ice cream cones and we went home. For naps. Because after all that, Aunt Dots and I were very tired.

A Golf Outing and Llama's Tubes: A Timeline

2009-06-03T08:14:00.004-04:00

Sunday, May 31.

9:30am: Bucket and Llama leave me blissfully alone in the house. They go to an antiques fair. I take a shower. It's only the second time I've been alone in the house in 13 months.
10:00am: I start running around like a chicken with its head cut off because I'm chairing a golf outing in just three short hours. It does, however, take my mind off of Llama's upcoming surgery.
11:15am: Bucket calls and wants to know where I am. What the heck, man!? I told you I have this golf thing. You have the baby. All day. There's no passing her back to me. No tag team relay races.
12:00pm: The golfers start arriving and handing me money. I like it. Alas, I cannot keep the money. It's for charity.
1:00pm: The golfers all leave and the pavilion is blissfully quiet. Bucket shows up with Llama because he can't bear to be away from the action for even three seconds. She runs amuck and gets ketchup, grease, dirt, funk, and God knows what else all over her pretty white shirt. I'm not watching her because I'M IN CHARGE OF THIS THING. Bucket's not watching her because he's talking to his friend and thinks that because I'm there, I should be watching her. Why can't I multitask being in charge of 60 adults and one small child? Whispered arguing ensues. I don't want everyone to see me yelling at him. (And yet I'll put it on the internet.)
2:30pm: It's Llama's naptime. Bucket doesn't want to leave. He wants me to make a bed for her in the back of my SUV and convince her to nap in it. Unsuccessful.
3:00pm: Llama is past tired, so she's running back and forth yelling at people and trying to eat rocks.
3:30pm: I tell Bucket to take Llama to his parents' house or our home, or for God's sake to anywhere but this golf outing. She falls asleep in the car, so he comes back with her and keeps her sleeping in the car.
4:00pm: The golf outing is out of beer. Not good. Two of my minions (ha!) go for more. They also bring Kahlua and cream and I partake in one.
5:00pm: Llama is still sleeping, so I tell Bucket he needs to wake her if he wants her to go to bed at all tonight. He is resistant.
5:15pm: Llama wakes up screaming. I would, too, if I had just slept in a car seat.
5:45pm: My golfers start coming back and the pavilion is loud again. And Llama is running back and forth like a heathen child. I decide to ignore it and hope that nobody recognizes that she's mine because she didn't come with me. Plus, I have to give out the prizes and thank people for coming and remind them that this was for a good cause, etc.
6:15pm: Bucket and Llama leave for dinner at his parents' house.
7:00pm: I kick the stragglers out and start packing the rest of the stuff into my car.
7:30pm: I arrive for dinner at Bucket's parents' house just in time to make them stop cleaning up and feed me.
8:00pm: We go home. I bathe an angry, overtired Llama and wrestle her into bed. Then I pass out on the couch.

Monday, June 1.
3:30am: Llama wakes up screaming. I give her Tylenol, rock her, and end up sleeping in the rocking chair for a while.
5:00am: Llama wakes up screaming while I'm holding her. I rock some more. Sing. She goes to sleep and I go back to my own bed.
5:45am: Llama wakes up screaming. Since the surgery instructions seem to imply that she's a Gremlin, I can only give her apple juice or water. No food and no milk. And I have to take away the juice in one short hour. So I bring her in bed with us and give her juice.
6:00am: Llama smacks Bucket in the face with her cup of juice while he's sleeping. I try really hard not to laugh. Unsuccessful.
6:15am: Llama smacks me in the face with the juice. Not as funny this time. Bucket is amused, though.
6:30am: I give up on trying to lay in bed with the jumping bean. The next hour and 45 minutes are spent trying to keep Llama out of the kitchen so she won't see food and want it.
8:15am: We leave. The surgery is not at the hospital, but at the outpatient surgery center near us. Much better for us.
9:00am: We arrive. Llama's finally sleeping, only now we have to get her back up.
9:15am: Explanations, etc. Everyone was very nice. They pretty much only talked to me, though. Bucket was my arm candy. Nobody seemed to think he knew much or could remember things like "She will be a little tired," or "She might be crabby." He didn't like it because he's used to being the big man in charge of everything. I felt bad because he was every bit as nervous as I was, he was just better at hiding it.
9:45am: The nurse came and walked away with my Llama. Llama didn't even care, because she had her bear and a pacifier. Bucket remarked that it might be the last time she goes happily with a stranger. We went to the waiting room.
9:50am: I went to the bathroom to cry and pray.
10:05am: The doctor came out and told us Llama was done and everything was okay. As soon as she woke up, we could go into recovery and be with her.
10:10am: They came to call us back into recovery. She warned us that Llama might cry a lot. She was not crying. A nurse was holding her and Llama was holding her bear with one hand and patting the nurse's face with the other. The nurse was surprised that neither Bucket nor I are blonde. I got out Llama's milk and goldfish, and she jumped on them like she'd never seen food before. She only wanted Bucket to hold her, so he did and they were both very happy.
10:20am: We were discharged.

So far, everything is great. Llama seems to be walking better and she can definitely hear better. And I will, hopefully, get back to my normal self in about 20 years.

The post in which I am neither funny nor happy.

2009-05-27T08:18:00.002-04:00

I've talked off and on about Llama's ears, and I've mentioned twice now that she's getting tubes put in her ears on June 1. Which is in five days. It's the best decision, and I will explain why. (I'm going to state, parenthetically, that one reason for this blog is to record Llama's life for her in a much more organized way than the box of "stuff" under my bed. This post is mostly for her.)

In February, Llama got an ear infection. It was her third. It seemed normal. The doctor gave her the same antibiotic she'd taken twice before (amoxicillin). Six days into it, she broke out in hives. We went back to the doctor and he switched her to a different antibiotic (omnicef). She seemed to be much improved.

But when we went back for her ear re-check in March, she had either a new ear infection or the same one that had never really gone away. So the doctor gave her more of the same drug that hadn't really worked (omnicef).

Llama was still running a fever and was still very crabby and messing with her ears. She was inconsolable, but it was Sunday. So we went to Med Express, where they gave her yet another antibiotic (zithromax). She seemed to be much improved.

But then we went back to the doctor in April for her ear recheck and her ears were infected and she seemed to have a sinus infection. The doctor said this was definitely a continued infection, not a new one. And he put her back on omnicef. Which hadn't worked TWICE in the past. And he said if it didn't work, he would give us a referral to the ENT.

But first, we went back for the recheck. The omnicef didn't work. And she was again in a lot of pain, running a fever, and inconsolable. So the doctor decided there were three options and presented them to me. First was to wait and see what happened, which I was not willing to do since Llama was so obviously not herself. Second was a series of possibly three shots of another antibiotic (rocephin). Third was a different antibiotic (vancomycin), which is a drug of last resort and most pharmacies don't carry and most insurances don't cover. So I went with the second option of shots, even though we had to go to the doctor three times in three days and Llama ended up having two shots that were painful for her. In the end, they did clear up the infection. But not the fluid.

I was not surprised when it didn't work all the way. I was not surprised when we got a referral to the ENT. I was very surprised when the ENT was able to see us in less than a week. I guess that's a benefit of living near a major medical center?

The ENT gave me three options. (I really liked him, by the way. He was quick with Llama and he didn't keep us waiting in the exam room forever. That's valuable when you have a curious, nimble little girl.) The first option was to keep treating her ear infections as they come, but her hearing is already impaired. The second option was to put her on a daily antibiotic for several months, but that will definitely mess up her teeth, possibly mess up her tummy, and she's allergic to the antibiotic that they like to use for it. The third option was tubes. I thought for about 5 seconds and asked him how soon the surgery could be scheduled, and it could have been two days ago if it hadn't been Memorial Day. So June 1 it is.

The whole thing will take about two hours, and that's counting the 30 minutes we will spend each way in the car. It's an outpatient surgery and it's in the same building that my OB is in.

I was not okay, but now I am. Bucket is taking the day off from work, as much for me as for Llama, I think. I'm okay with that, because even though she won't remember, we will. And one day, we'll be able to tell her that she's a chatterbox because we took her to get her ears fixed. :)

Procrastination. It's what's NOT for dinner.

2009-05-26T14:03:00.002-04:00

A fact about me that I like to think is not well-known, but is probably known to everyone but me? I work best as the deadline approaches. Minor freakouts and caffeine are standard. If I have no deadline, sometimes I never complete projects. The corner of my bedroom that is filled with half-done crafty projects is a testament to that.

Things I am currently procrastinating:

1. Blogging about Llama's ear infections and the upcoming tubes. I can't be funny about it and being serious about it upsets me. I'll get something written sooner or later. Probably later.

2. Finishing the thank you notes for Llama's birthday presents. I'm just lazy. There's no deadline. But I do have manners, so they'll be out sometime.

3. Cutting coupons and making a grocery list. Self-explanatory. That's not fun.

4. Making a list of delegated responsibilities for a golf outing that I'm chairing on Sunday. Sunday! There are a lot of things that can only be done last-minute, and on Sunday, I can't be everywhere at once. There are 18 holes, one registration table, and one picnic pavilion. I have four helpers. I guess I'll make my list when I figure out how five people will cover 20 jobs.

5. Working out. I guess at this point, it's less procrastination and more "skipping my workout," since it's raining and I can't get outside and I've already taken a shower.

6. Buying a bathing suit for the summer. Again self-explanatory. No matter how much weight I lose, how great I look in clothes, etc, I will never like myself in a bathing suit. And yet, I love to swim and can't wait to swim with Llama this year.

Things I'm not procrastinating:

1. Planning our Disney vacation in September. Llama, Bucket, The Army Guy, Frenchy, Z-man, Wolfman, my yet-unnamed brother, and I are all going on our first real family vacation together. Three of us have been to Disney World before (Bucket, Frenchy, me) and I am a knowledgeable control freak, so I'm in charge.

2. Signing Llama up for Book Babies at the library. We needed something to do for the summer.

3. Eating my weight in cupcakes. I need to stop baking as a form of procrastination.

Not related to MY procrastination:

1. I have not yet booked airfare for Disney because I'm waiting on one last person to commit "157%" to going with us. I'm not putting something on my credit card, only to be screwed over.

2. The job offer that I've been dangling on since the beginning of May. I have done everything, they just can't make up their minds whether they want to pay me a salary that I find acceptable. They want me, they just don't know if they want to pay for me. Tomorrow's the deadline.

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T10:46:00.002-04:00

Memorial Day is near and dear to my heart. It's not just a three-day weekend. My brother is in Iraq for the second time. My grandfather flew bombers over Korea. My great-uncle commanded a ship in World War II. My great-grandfather fought in the Spanish-Indian War. I don't know how many greats back, but Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox from the American Revolution, is my ancestor.

It means something. I try not to be a person who keeps her emotions at the surface, but I will say that I'm close to tears when I think of the sacrifices made by our servicemen.

And on that note, I was in Oakland on Friday with Llama for a doctor's appointment (yes, tubes, June 1, and I'll cover that another day) and as I was walking back to my car, there was a Marine in uniform trying to get directions. Several people ignored him. Pittsburgh is supposed to be one of the friendliest cities. I felt AWFUL, but rather than make apologies for something I hadn't done, I gave him directions and told him to have a great day.

I hope he got where he was going and that he's relaxing today.

So I've been slacking on the posting.

2009-05-16T08:24:00.002-04:00

I have no excuses, just that Llama and I have been having a lot of fun lately.

We went to the playground in Mingo Park (and that link takes you to directions to the Covered Bridge Festival, which you'll hear about in September, but the park doesn't have a website) for the first time. Actually, it was Llama's first time at a playground at all, and she had a very good time, as evidenced by her happy face and climbing skills.

There's a creek there with duckies in it, and Llama jumped up and down on the banks of the creek and pointed at them.

And we went out to lunch with some imaginary friends (the message board friends who live locally), but instead of paying attention to the news, the newspaper, the internet, or the signs along I-79, we sat in traffic because of the "Missing Ramps" project. Llama was mostly not thrilled, but got a lot happier once she took her shoes and socks off and I gave her my Starbucks cup. It was empty, but she wouldn't have cared. She likes cappuccino (thanks, Grandma!).

And the biggest news is that Llama got a haircut. Even though Bucket said it made her spoiled, I took her to the salon where I get mine done. The girl who does my hair is great (both for me and with Llama) and it seemed like she was just following Llama around and taking little snips off, but in the end, Llama's hair is much better. Not hanging in her eyes or straggly at the ends, but there still seems to be as much hair there as there was before.

And I don't have photos of this, but this morning, Llama decided to play in my makeup basket. She does it every day, and I let her because it makes her happy. I didn't think she could open anything. Like every other parenting lesson I've learned, what I think is irrelevant. She decorated the bathrooom with about $100 worth of makeup. It looks like a $2 hooker. You'd think expensive makeup would make my bathroom look like a more expensive hooker.

I guess I'll be makeup shopping in the next week. And finding a more secure way to store it.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99, wear sunscreen.

2009-05-05T07:24:00.002-04:00

Remember that?

I didn't heed the warning. I tried to tan my pale Celtic skin, over and over again, to the point of blisters and lobster-red skin. On the days when I wasn't trying to burn myself, I forgot sunscreen.

I had a mole removed a few weeks ago. It was "congenital but with a number of abnormal cell divisions," which basically means I was born with it but due to my failure to appropriately protect it (and the rest of myself) from the sun, it was pre-cancerous. I have to go back in six months and every year thereafter for the rest of my life, because once you've had one mole like that, the odds are greater that you will have more cancerous or pre-cancerous moles.

So, wear sunscreen.

**I was, in fact, part of the class of '99. That song was even DIRECTED at me and I didn't listen.**

Seriously?

2009-05-04T20:00:00.002-04:00

Ear infection. Number four or number five, depending on who you ask. I say five, the doctor says four, but that four has been going on for TWO MONTHS. Either way, it's not fair to Llama that she continues to be in pain and have her hearing impaired.

Out of the entire practice, there is one pediatrician that I don't like. He calls me "Mom," instead of Heather or Mrs. Bucket, and he's old and he scared Hawaiian Punch when SHE was a kid, so he's extra scary. He also dismisses my concerns and I feel like he's accusing me of things when he asks me questions. But when you call for a sick appointment, you get what you get and you don't get upset (yep, preschool logic reigns here in the Llama house). Anyway, I again brought up my concern that this many ear infections, or this one ear infection that's lasted for this long, whichever... neither is acceptable and I asked for an ENT referral. Instead, he gave me a prescription for an antibiotic that didn't work last month and said that if it didn't work this time, he'd give me the ENT referral.

Okay, so we're going to repeat something that was ineffective. In hopes that, for some reason, this time it will be more effective? I read once that the definition of insanity was repeating the same actions over and over again hoping for a different result. Well, apparently we're insane.

Llama loves medicine. I guess that's a good thing, since she hasn't really gone a night without medicine in months.

There are days when I question...

2009-05-04T08:37:00.002-04:00

What the HELL am I doing?

I mean, I'm in school full time. I have an interview for a job on Thursday that will, in all likelihood, be my new full time job. I'm obviously Llama's mama on a full time basis. Our house, because it is so small and has such a dearth of hiding places, always seems to be a pig sty. My husband is an awesome guy, the best dad, and incredibly supportive of my educational endeavors. But when I'm on break, as I am right now, he feels like HE is on break from the full time dad gig. Friday, he and Llama and I went out to dinner by ourselves, like a nice little family. Then on Saturday, he went to his fun second job (it was opening day at Kennywood!) and then came home to go to a wedding with me. (More on that in a second, Llama had her first sleepover!) And on Sunday, he went to a pinball show four and a half hours away and came home just in time to eat dinner at his parents' house.

Did I get the bathroom cleaned while he was on his happy fun weekend? No, I did not. I can't clean the bathroom with Llama in it, because she wants to taste the toilet brush and "help" me by grabbing the sponge and the cleaner. It scares me. Remember the vanilla debacle? The kid will drink anything.

This morning, I decided that the bathroom HAD to be cleaned, even though Llama was at my feet. I figured I would just keep redirecting her, right? Wrong. She is not a child who is easily redirected. Tampons? Loves them. Used razors in the garbage? Loves them too. Will she switch her attention from the unsafe razor to the safe (albeit not my perfect choice of toy) tampons? No. Will she sit in the hallway and play with some other, safe and approved toy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. So I had to close the door on her, leaving her in the hallway and me in the bathroom, because there was already cleaner sprayed around and I had to rinse it off without Llama's interventions. Screams and door pounding ensued. And I said, "What the HELL am I doing?"

I went through my closet and pulled out all the dry cleaning, because I have to get one of my suits cleaned before this interview. As I laid all the stuff on the bed (and Llama played in my shoe mountain at my feet), I thought, "What the HELL am I doing?" My life is crazy stressful NOW. It will be worse when I work full time. I have control issues (who would have guessed? :p) and the thought of leaving Llama in someone else's care kind of makes me a little nauseous. But I did it on Saturday with absolutely no ill effects. Hawaiian Punch was so awesome to offer to keep Llama for us while we went to the wedding, and when it was over, Llama was sleeping, Tuna Roll was sleeping, and Hawaiian Punch was already in bed when I called, so Llama just slept over. She had a great time, and I could tell that because when I got there to pick her up, she didn't care about me and only wanted to hang out with Hawaiian Punch. Knowing me, you'd think that would make me a little sad, right? Strangely enough, it made me happy. My little independent girl.

And as promised last time, pictures of Tuna Roll's baptism:

The happy parents (iHusband, Hawaiian Punch, Tuna Roll):

The actual baptism-ish... I couldn't get a shot of the water:
What a cute little Tuna Roll:
Oh, and Mother's Day is this Sunday. If your wife has already handled all the stuff for YOUR mom, it might be a good idea to do something really nice for your wife. Bucket reads this blog, and that's a not-so-veiled hint. Since I'm a mom AND I take care of all of Bucket's cards and gifts, with the exception of the ones he gives me...

Be nice to the moms in your life. Not just on Sunday. :)

Tonight is my last class.

2009-04-28T07:28:00.002-04:00

For this semester, anyway. I start again on June 8. So for the month of May, I'm making it my own personal Blog Posting Month (since November is the National one, and I kind of screwed that up). There will be copious pictures and even more copious words.

Short update with no pictures:

My sweet, sweet Llama is teething and crabby. Tuna Roll was baptized on Sunday and I have pictures that are not yet uploaded. Llama walks, but not very steadily.

That's about all, even though that's quite a lot when it's in real life. Until tomorrow...

You can't pull the wool over my Llama's eyes.

2009-04-23T13:37:00.004-04:00

Because her hair is already hanging in them. My solution? A fountain of hair atop her head.

Or you could call it a handle, it's just as appropriate. Useful, too, for a walking baby. I mean toddler. I'm so kidding, I haven't picked her up by her hair.

A cautionary tale

2009-04-18T10:12:00.002-04:00

We went to Bucket's great-aunt's house for Easter dinner. It's always interesting there because there are too many people in a too small house, and everyone is just drinking away the social awkwardness. Good times are had by all.

So, there is a plate of what appears to be nut roll, all sliced up and ready to eat. I grab a piece, because who doesn't love nut roll? I take a big bite. It tastes like... meat? What the hell is that? Hawaiian Punch suggests that I give it to Bucket because he'll eat anything.

So I give the rest of the piece to Bucket and say, "Finish this for me." He shoves the whole thing in his pie hole, because again, who doesn't love nut roll? And then I tell him, "I think it's meat." He managed to choke it down and not spit it out, because he has manners.

As we're eating the (dry and oddly flavored) ham dinner and discussing this meat roll, my mother-in-law asks Bucket's great-aunt about it. Apparently, 40 years ago, the aunt's mother made this "veal roll" for Easter and she liked it. But then her mom died and she never got it again (that is the sad part). So this year, she ground up some meat and rolled it up in nut roll dough in hopes it would be the same.

It was not the same. I ate meat roll for no reason. I'm lobbying for labels on all the foods at Christmas Eve dinner (at the same house), lest I get tricked again.

The cautionary part: Don't just eat things because they look like things you have eaten before without incident. People are tricky.

Happy Birthday, Baby Llama!

2009-04-17T08:25:00.005-04:00

Just 365 short days ago, I was lying in the hospital, bored, and watching Good Morning America. I was waiting not-so-patiently for this sweet little girl to be born.

We've gone from this:

To this, taken yesterday:

And though we have over a thousand pictures of this year, I'll just show three memorable moments.

The happiest one-month-old I've ever seen:

And five months later, the unhappiest octopus I've ever seen:

And last but certainly not least, Little Miss Ladylike at her birthday party on Saturday, showing off her prizes from the Egg Hunt and wearing a dress that her grandma made her:

The more I say about this, the more likely I am to cry (and you all know that I cry a lot), so I'll just say that I'm grateful to have the family that I was born into and the family that I married into. I'm so lucky to have this little Llama to kiss and call my own. And I have learned so, so much in the past year. I can't wait to see all the other April 17ths for the rest of my life.

"If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart the only dream that mattered has come true. In this life, I was loved by you." ~ Collin Raye

Happy birthday, little girl.

Pictures. Better late than never, right?

2009-04-06T07:51:00.004-04:00

Last weekend, Llama and Tuna Roll went to a family birthday party with their Grandma (who is not to be called Grandma VaJayJay for the obvious reasons, despite all of our protests) and Hawaiian Punch. Tuna Roll on the right, Hawaiian Punch in the middle, Llama on the left. Coordinating outfits, of course. Provided by Hawaiian Punch. It was a luau party.

Things headed downhill from there.

New attempts to take pictures of them together after returning to our house were slightly less successful:

And things only deteriorated from there:

Tuna Roll got a little spicy when Llama smacked her in the face while trying to escape:

Llama could not understand what the problem was:

Then everyone cried and we gave up.

While Llama and Tuna Roll were partying it up, Bucket, his dad (also as yet un-named), and I were putting ceramic tile in the kitchen. Since then, we've been painting the kitchen while also dealing with the continuing saga of Llama's ear infections (third antibiotic, 20 days of sickness, still not better), which is why posting has been so light. Or non-existent, really.

Before I was someone's mom, I never thought ear infections were a big deal. I didn't think "failing" an antibiotic would make me feel like I did something wrong, either. But here's one nice thing I never knew about being a mom - last night, I gave Llama her bath and was rocking her while she drank her milk before bed (we have a whole routine, it's very nice and she drops to sleep at the end of it without any issues). She laid her head on my chest and started "talking," and I swear she was telling me about her day. Maybe not, maybe I just made that up, but she talked quietly to me for about 10 minutes and then went right to sleep. I never knew I'd want to have a baby talk gibberish to me and that it would make me this happy.

Llama's birthday party is in FIVE DAYS. I have so much work to do, starting with painting the rest of the kitchen and ending with baking a mess of cupcakes. Posting will probably be light until after the party.

No photos for today.

2009-03-25T21:43:00.002-04:00

Sorry, my little Llama broke out in hives and I'm not mean enough to post the pictures. I have them, of course, but I'm not putting them on the internet for all to see.

She's allergic to amoxicillin.

Whenever we're back to normal, pictures will be back, too. :)

My daughter is already planning to leave me.

2009-03-23T08:15:00.002-04:00

As I was making her breakfast, Llama was playing in the fridge. She had one of her pink storage cubby cubes next to her. I went to the fridge for cheese (you know she needs cheese on her eggs), and peeked in the cube. She had a bottle of ranch dressing, a bottle of italian dressing, a potato, and a cup of yogurt. I asked her what she was going to make, and she looked in the cube, then back in the fridge, and grabbed the cheese and threw it in the cube, too. I think she was packing her bag.

Then I was standing at the sink, waiting for her eggs to cool, and she grabbed my pant leg and said, "Daddy?" I said, "No, he went to work." And she said, "Noooooooooo!?" I've been demoted and it's not even 9am.

Mobility. It's not just for seniors with Hoverrounds anymore.

2009-03-21T09:52:00.002-04:00

On Thursday, Llama stood up and took three steps. She really wanted the remote. (The remote is a big motivator in this house, and now Bucket and I have to learn to share it with someone besides each other, which is a problem. We're not even sure how to share it with each other yet. Maybe we'll have to buy her a television of her own, which was how we solved this problem for ourselves.) (I'm totally kidding about the television of her own, in case you didn't catch that. I'm not really down with babies having televisions.)

Since Thursday, Llama's taken a total of another four steps, but we'll cut her some slack. The poor girl has an ear infection and tonsillitis. Who knew babies could even get tonsillitis?

In any case, the combination of new mobility + hurty ear + sore throat = a real explanation for me of why she's been sleeping so very badly lately. Bad sleep for Llama means no sleep for Mama, and on Thursday night into Friday, it was a very literal interpretation. I sat in the rocking chair (very comfortable, selected for just this situation, thanks very much to my mother in law who knew best!) with Llama from about 11pm until 4am. She couldn't sleep laying down, probably because her ear hurt so damn bad, and she was so very hot that I had her almost naked even though it was cold outside. We keep the house cold at night (saves on the gas bill, and I really like to be cold when I'm sleeping... who knows why) so I felt a little bad taking her pajamas off, but it really did help her sleep. On me.

I had to sing a lot, though, and since I'm sick, too... the vocal stylings were not at their best. The offerings ranged from "Walkin' in Memphis," which is always Llama's song for sleepy times, to "Edelweiss" and "A Whole New World." Don't hate. We were going for songs to which I knew all the words.

But last night... last night was glorious. Llama loves Amoxicillin, by the way. She claps her hands when I bring out the syringe. I hope she always feels this way. Anyway, last night Llama slept for 8 hours, woke up so that I could rock her and sing (badly) to her, and went back to sleep for 4 more hours. And now she's a cheerful, happy girl. Back to about "half-tornado-strength," as I said yesterday. I'm hoping by tomorrow she's back to her normal self. Because as tiring as it is to wrestle my little tornado, I was really scared by how quiet and lethargic she was.

Have a fabulous day! It's the second day of spring and it doesn't appear to be snowing!

Wordless Wednesday... now with MORE WORDS!

2009-03-18T09:34:00.004-04:00

As much as I'd like to keep this wordless... do you know me AT ALL? I can't miss an opportunity to explain this.

Last Thursday, Llama, Tuna Roll, their grandmother (my mother-in-law) and I went to a huge kids' resale event at the fairgrounds. It was a good time. Tuna Roll hung out in a Snugli that I wore, and she just snuggled right in and went to sleep on me for the entire time. Llama was not so calm and loving. She rode in the stroller and used the tray to kick her shoes off about one million times.

During one of the times I was putting her shoes back on, I spotted a Fisher-Price house thing. I don't know the exact name of it, I don't even know if you can buy it in the store anymore. I said to my mother in law, "I'm going to look at this house for Llama's birthday present." As I said that, this giant hosebeast of a woman came along and put her (too old for this toy) kid down in front of it and asked, "Do you want it, honey? We'll get it, then." I know she heard me say that I wanted to look at it.

So she let her kid play with it, despite all the signs saying, "Please do not play with the toys," and I walked away, mumbling angrily about people being deliberately rude.

And then the giant hosebeast's kid had a fit and she had to walk away. She took her hands off of it, so I went back and swiped it. I carried this giant-ass house around with me.

And I bought it, with complete disregard for the fact that I drive a small sedan, with two babies and their seats, bags, and various toys and accoutrements in the backseat. The trunk was full of stroller. Did that stop me? No. Bucket keeps tools in the car, thankfully, so as my mother-in-law changed diapers, I disassembled the house and wedged its pieces in the trunk and backseat.

I drove home with my knees in the dashboard, wedged precariously under the steering wheel. Bucket reassembled the house in the living room. And while I was planning to wait and give it to Llama for her birthday, they (Llama and Bucket) started playing with it immediately. I didn't have the heart to take it away from either of them.

Was it all worth it? See for yourself.

Yes, I think so. I'm again on the hunt for a birthday present, though.

Late again and not wordless at all...

2009-03-12T08:26:00.004-04:00

Maybe Wordless Wednesday was a little ambitious. I'll keep trying, but I think it's more likely that what's going to happen is that I will get at least one picture each week of Llama and put it on here.

This is what happens when you walk out of the living room for one minute without properly securing EVERYTHING:

And coming soon to mailboxes across Pennsylvania, New York, and Maryland:

I have to thank my friend Amy, who made the invitations. I'm crafty, but not with paper. Aren't they CUTE!?

Please note that the post for Llama's birthday will be titled, "Ain't no party like a cupcake party, 'cause a cupcake party don't stop." It's been in my head and now it's in yours.

Random bits of collected nonsense

2009-03-09T08:04:00.002-04:00

Sorry about the lack of Wordless Wednesday and the failure to follow through with Thursday. Llama fell and had a bruise on her face that I wasn't willing to show the world. And right now, although I have some pictures from this weekend, we're eating breakfast (I'm multitasking, of course!) and the USB cord is all the way over there. Far away, like half a room away.

So on my Spring Break, it was actually spring-y. Llama and I took several walks, we played outside, and we planted pansies. Good times were had by all. Actually, trying to plant pansies while simultaneously trying to keep Llama from eating dirt is NOT fun, but she liked it, and she also liked the dirt. It might be her favorite food, surpassing even cheese (pronounced "eeeeez" in the common Llama vernacular). However, now that it's no longer Spring Break, it's also no longer spring-y. How odd.

Sort of relatedly, on my break, I also had two group projects to work on. One group is fabulous and normal and I really like working with them. The other group... well... I don't like them. They wanted to do everything together, rather than delegating parts of the project and getting together to finish it. And they were surprised that I "knew what I was talking about," and that I had read the book. The textbook. For the class. Also, they had issues with "their," "there," and "they're." And they called me old.

Well, they didn't directly say I was old. What they said was that maybe I just seem like I know what I'm talking about because I'm "older." I'm 27. They're 23. Screw that, I'm not old. I just did my work. I can't understand how someone could be in a master's level class, paying tuition, planning a career - and not be putting the effort in. It's not just my money now (in tuition), it's also my money later (in potential earnings). Even if I hated the subject matter (I don't, I love it), money is a huge motivator for me. HUGE. Ever been poor? I have. I didn't like it.

Anyway, I was saying... I don't like to say I'm smarter than people, because I subscribe to the theory of multiple intelligences. Meaning that, for example, Bucket is a genius with computers, cars, electricity, and most mechanical things. I'm not. But I am really good at organization, dealing with people, and communicating my thoughts effectively. Everyone is good at something. But if someone is not, for example, good at academic work, perhaps that person should not be planning a career in education and attempting to complete a master's program in education.

Frustrating. Both group projects are being presented tomorrow night. I hope like hell that I get good grades, because it's important to me.

Maybe by tomorrow I'll have the energy to get up and walk across the room for the USB cable and upload pictures, too.

It's Wordless Wednesday, and I don't have a photo for this week yet.

2009-03-04T07:00:00.002-05:00

It's shameful. I guess we'll have Wordless Thursday this week. Assuming I get a picture of something today...

Sorry about that.

Of all the things I've lost temporarily, this was the most annoying.

2009-03-02T19:48:00.002-05:00

On Friday, I drove halfway to Erie to meet a friend in Grove City for lunch. It was a good time. I also dropped my cell phone in my car somewhere. It was on silent for some reason, so I couldn't call it from another phone to find it. Then its battery died.

I never even thought about it. Phone's not ringing? That's one less thing I have to do while making sure Llama doesn't, like, fall down the basement stairs or something. (It's a sliding door, there's no room for a regular one, and it can't be locked. So I worry.)

When I finally realized I hadn't seen it in a while, I went and checked the car. I didn't see it immediately, so I assumed I lost it somewhere. I didn't care much because it's not very nice. Llama killed my nice phone with baby spit and smacking. I didn't like the nice phone much, either, truth be told. I wasn't really stopping her from killing it. I didn't think Bucket would pull out a cell phone that Zack Morris used and set it up for me. He has the most random things stashed away in a kitchen drawer.

Anyway, back to my point. I didn't care much that I seemed to have lost it. Bucket cared. He always cares about these things. He cared when I dropped a phone in the driveway and ran it over. It was mostly okay, because we have a gravel driveway and it sunk in rather than getting smashed. He made me go look in the car again.

It was under the driver's seat. That's not the first important thing I lost under that seat, either. Bucket gave me beautiful earrings one year for Christmas, and one of them came out in the car, and I knew it was in there - but we couldn't find it. For three years. And then the warranty was up, so Bucket took the seat out and it was right where I thought it was.

Again, I digress. Back to the point at hand. My phone was dead, under the driver's seat of my car, for three days. I couldn't even turn it on until it charged.

I had ten messages. If you called me in the past few days, I just got your message today. If you didn't call me in the past few days, WHY NOT!?

I'll start returning calls tomorrow.

When Spring Break is no break...

2009-02-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

As I promised, we're back to regularly scheduled programming. Or blogging, as the case may be. I don't really offer "scheduled programming," per se. Anyway, I'm on Spring Break as of Thursday night. Woohoo, right? Bring on the dollar well drinks and the slutty shirts and the hooker boots? Not so much. Actually, I never went on Spring Break when I was in undergrad and I'm really not about to start now that I'm old, boring, married, and trying to pass as a responsible adult.

So Llama decided to celebrate for me by waking up at about the time that the bars close, just to remind me that at one point in my life, I stayed up until 2am. Then she decided to celebrate for me again at about 4:30am. I think she was reminding me that there were nights in my life that I stayed up 'til then, too. Only that was when I was doing my undergraduate research project and getting ready to present it at a conference. I guess I'm thankful for the reminder that I used to survive on a lot less sleep and be happy about it because I chose it. I was not quite as fun at 2am as I used to be, and I wasn't half as intelligent at 4:30am as I was five years ago.

Despite this being a "break," I'm working on two different group presentations that are due immediately following the break. I'm meeting people to work on one of them today. Even though we have tickets to the Home and Garden Show (I'm posting from Bucket's laptop because ours is otherwise occupied, so I can't hyperlink you because I have to use Firefox instead of IE and I just don't get it) which is a really cool thing and I really want to go. Actually, I just checked, and I thought this was the last weekend and it turns out it's the first weekend, so we can go tomorrow or next weekend and it'll still be okay. I guess I'm not so annoyed about that after all. So on with the projects! I have to meet the other group on Monday to do the other project.

Completely unrelatedly and without a good segue, I found out yesterday that I am not the best mom ever. I'm sure that's very surprising to you, right? I took Llama to get some summer shoes. Mostly because I like shoes a lot and baby shoes are so cute. Except that I had jammed her feet into her last shoes (purchased in December), which were a full size too small and had left marks in her little feet. So it wasn't a "Mama likes shoes, let's look around" kind of day, it was a "Mama is awful, let's find some new shoes so you can wear them home" kind of day. Who knew she could outgrow shoes so quickly? I will consider this a lesson.

Llama wasn't a fan of getting her feet measured, though. She growled at the lady. Not a cute little growl, a warning growl. She's learned that from the cat, who alternately stalks her and growls at her to steal her food. I have no idea how to stop a ten-and-a-half month old from growling.

And with that, my little sweetheart is growling at me to get her breakfast. Have a good day!

Internet memes, the final one.

2009-02-27T07:22:00.002-05:00

I'm tired of these and I'm sure you are too, but I will finish what I started. Back to your regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

44 odd things about you! If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you.

1. Do you like Bleu Cheese? It's okay.
2. Have you ever been drunk? Yes.
3. Do you own a gun? No.
4.What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? The color-changing one.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? It depends on what it's for, I guess.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I don't think of hot dogs, actually.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Die Hard, duh.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot tea at home, Starbucks Caramel Macchiato if I'm on the run.
9. Can you do push ups? Girly ones.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I have so many. Bucket is really good in the sparkly department. My engagement ring, I suppose.
11. Favorite hobby? Again, I have so many. In the winter, I like to read or be crafty. In the summer, I like to play in my flowers or take Llama for long walks.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Not diagnosed, but I have my suspicions.
13. What's your favorite shoe? The right one. :p No, really, I have a kickass pair of black heels that are my favorite right now. They have little bows on them.
14. Middle name? Dawn.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? This is really three questions. 1) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse has crappy animation. 2) My head hurts. 3) How am I going to take a shower while Llama is awake so that I can meet my friend for lunch?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Again, this is three questions. 1) Water 2) Tea 3) White wine. Riesling is preferred.
17. Current worry? That I won't get Llama's birthday party planned in time and I'll be rushing and it won't be as fun as it should be.
18. Current hate right now? Headaches.
19. What do you wish for in the coming year? Am I supposed to be hoping for 2009 or 2010? It's late in February, so... anyway, I'll just say that I hope we have an easy road.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? With friends.
21. Where would you like to go? This is a very vague question. To Heaven? To Florida? To lunch? All of those places.
22. Name three people who will complete this? Meh, whomever is interested in doing it will do it.
23. Do you own slippers? If you know me well at all, you know that slippers and pajama pants are my very favorite things to receive as gifts, so yes, I have slippers.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Blue.
25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? No.
26. Can you whistle? Yes, are there people who can't?
27. Favorite color? Navy blue.
28. Would you be a pirate? Sure, why not? Now I have a Ray Stevens song in my head. "I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance, I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance. With the silver buckled slippers and the bright and shiny pants... I want to sing and dance!"
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Depends on the day and what's in my head. As illustrated above, I even know weird and obscure song lyrics.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? If I told you that, I'd tell you Llama's name. The runner-up for her name was Allison, and that was my addition to the baby naming list. Bucket named Llama, but it totally fits her and I can't imagine her as anyone else, so her name is my favorite.
31. Favorite boy's name? Since we may have a little guy sometime in the future, I won't tell you that either. It's one of my brothers' names, Bucket's confirmation name, and his grandfather's name. There, if you know us well, you can guess.
32. What's in your pocket right now? No pockets in yoga pants.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Bucket mocking me for eating a cupcake for my midnight snack.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? I had the New Kids on the Block bed sheets, thank you very much.
35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? As a child... hmm. I cut my pinky toe off on my left foot. It's reattached.
36. Do you love where you live? I like my house, I hate my neighborhood, and I love the people in my house. How's that for a non-answer.
37. Do you walk around the house naked? Like just hang out? No. I walk from my room to the shower naked, but it's not really "walking around."
38. Who is your loudest friend? This is an odd question. When I'm with a particular group of friends, we're all loud.
39. How many dogs do you have? One.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? That would be quite a situation, since I'm married and all. But if anyone does, they haven't said anything. Probably because I'm married. I'm going to choose to believe there are people all over the place with huge crushes on me who are just not coming forward out of respect for the sanctity of marriage. :p
41. What is your favorite book? Today, it's Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy. I read a lot of books, but none for leisure right now, and I love so many books that I can't choose one favorite.
42. What is your favorite candy? Truffles from Sarris'
43. Favorite Sports Team? Any pro team from Pittsburgh. Penn State for college football.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? "Any Way You Want It," by Journey. I'm NOT kidding.

Internet memes, number three

2009-02-26T07:28:00.002-05:00

Yeah, so I don't know how to spell "three" in French, so the post titles are inconsistent. Also, I'm starting to feel lazy with the memes, so tomorrow will be the last one.

About Bucket and me:

1. What are your middle names? Mine is Dawn, he doesn't have one.
2. How long have you been together? Nine years in November. Married for four years in October.
3. How long did you know each other before you started dating? We were kind of dating from the beginning, I guess. Sort of? It's complicated. It was college. Everything was complicated.
4. Who asked who out? Again, it's complicated. We both had dates to this party that we were going to together and ended up ditching our dates. We repeated that for my sorority banquet. There was never a moment where anyone said, "Hey, would you like to go out on Friday?" or anything like that.
5. How old were you when you met? I was 18 and he was 22. It was an issue for him because I'm slightly younger than his sister. He felt like a cradle robber.
6. Whose siblings do you see the most? We live closer to one of his sisters (Hawaiian Punch) so we see her weekly. My brother Wolfman comes to visit about once a month.
7. Do you have any children together? Yes, Llama will be one in April!
8. What about pets? Darby (dog) and Pumpkin (the meanest cat in America).
9. Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Does anybody really want a real answer to this question? No, and I'm not willing to give one. I'll say that it frustrates me that he takes off his clothes as he walks in the door and so there is a trail of shoes, pants, shirt through the living room.
10. Did you go to the same school? No
11. Are you from the same town? No
12. Who is the smartest? Silly question. He's a super genius about the things he likes. I'm a super genius about the things I like. We are both very smart people.
13. Who is the most sensitive? Me.
14. Where do you eat out most as a couple? Um, the Eat'n'Park at the bottom of the hill or Chili's, I guess.
15. Where is the farthest you have traveled as a couple? Disney World.
16. Do you know each other's exes? We're acquainted.
17. Who has the worst temper? Me.
18. Who does the cooking? We share. He cooks on Wednesday nights (hey, I got cheated last night!) and Sunday mornings.
19. Who is more social? Me.
20. Who is the neat freak? Neither of us, which is a problem since we both like to live in a clean, neat house.
21. Who is more stubborn? Him.
22. Who hogs the bed? Him. It's a problem being a foot shorter than someone.
23. Who wakes up earlier? On weekdays, him, because he gets to work early. On weekends, me, because I'm still getting up at the same time I get up every day.
24. Where was your first date? We watched a movie (The Music Man) and had pizza together at his house. I fell in love with him that day because he sang along with it.
25. Who has the bigger family? I have more siblings, he has a bigger extended family.
26. Do you get flowers often? No.
27. What is your favorite holiday tradition? In general or together, hmm? In general, I love to go to midnight Mass. Together, I really had a good time last year with Christmas morning at our house. We made breakfast and my brothers came, Llama and Z-man opened a million toys... it was really a good time.
28. Who is more jealous? That's probably equal, but he hides it better.
29. Who does the laundry? Me. I wash, fold, iron, hang... and I put mine and Llama's away and leave his on his side of the bed. He usually puts them on the floor and I get annoyed.
30. Who is better with the computer? When you're married to an electrical engineer who also minored in computer engineering, you will never be better with the computer. I'm okay with that.

Takes after her mom. :)

2009-02-25T06:57:00.000-05:00

Internet memes, part deux.

2009-02-24T09:27:00.002-05:00

The A to Z of Me

A - Age: 27
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: Cat litter box
D - Dad's Name: Norris
E - Essential start your day item: Hot tea in the winter, iced tea in the summer
F - Favorite actor(s): Patrick Dempsey, I guess. I don't really follow actors per se.
G - Gold or Silver: White gold or silver
H - Height: I say I'm 5'4 but I'm really 5'3.
I - Instruments you play(ed): Violin, piano, bass drum (those I played well), trumpet, flute, clarinet, and saxophone (not well).
J - Job title: Stay at home mom and graduate student
K - Kid(s): Llama, 10 months
L - Living arrangements: Brick ranch house with Bucket and Llama
M - Mom's name: Susan
N - Nicknames: I don't really have any.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: My birth or Llama's? Other than that, for an asthma attack when I was in elementary school.
P - Pet peeve: Ooh, I have a lot. Lateness, odd numbers, dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, dog-eared book pages - that's just a few of them. Ask Bucket, he'll tell you it's hellish to live with me.
Q - Quotes you like: "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints..." ~ Billy Joel
R - Right or left handed: Ambidextrous
S - Siblings: Three brothers, Donald, Patrick, and Michael
T - Time you wake up: Last night I got up at 1:45, 4:00, 6:00, and I got up for the day at 6:45.
U - Umbrella...do you have one? Yes, I have a couple, but I don't know where they are.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Green beans
W - Ways you run late: Llama makes me late sometimes, Bucket makes me late more times. If I'm on my own and left to my own devices, I'll be on time.
X - X-rays you've had: Good Lord, do you really think I can list those? I'll try. Teeth, both ankles, left knee, left leg hip to toes, chest, both arms shoulder to fingers, left wrist, skull. I'm accident prone.
Y - Yummy food you make: Everything I make is good, in my opinion. If you don't like it, you can cook your own. :p
Z - Zodiac: Scorpio

Internet memes. You gotta love them.

2009-02-23T08:08:00.003-05:00

This week will be a post-a-thon. Of internet memes, because they don't require me to do a lot of thinking. Today's will be the one where I Google "Heather needs..." and post the first ten results with my comments.

1. Heather needs two therapists. (And yet I don't even have one.)
2. Heather needs something more to be satisfied--preferably Pierre with that tall, dark, mouth-watering body of his... (I mean, I'll take Pierre, but Bucket will probably be upset.)
3. Heather needs to Grow Up. (But it would be so boring if I did.)
4. Heather needs a childhood. (It's a little late now, I think.)
5. Heather needs men now! (No, thanks, I'm good in the man department.)
6. Heather needs to start wearing a brassiere. (I am currently wearing one, thankyouverymuch.)
7. Heather needs some Body... Guards. (I guess so, but I'm not all that famous.)
8. Heather needs Gatorade. (Actually, I don't like it. I'd rather have water.)
9. Heather needs a family. (I have more than one family and I like it that way.)
10. Gah! Heather needs HELP!! (Always.)

Tomorrow, I think I will give you "25 Things," but maybe not the same 25 that I put on Facebook.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

The Adventures of Llama and Tuna Roll, Number 2

2009-02-16T19:43:00.003-05:00

I know I promised this series of Super Bowl party pictures a while ago and that the SB was two weeks ago. Sorry about that. I'm procrastinating right now, so here you go. (I have a test tomorrow and I'm not prepared, so I'll blog instead of study.)

First shot: Llama is happy. Tuna Roll is ramping up to be unhappy.

Second shot: (Somehow I missed the shot where Tuna Roll had her own binky. Sorry, I thought I had it). Anyway, Llama just jacked her cousin's pacifier right out of Tuna Roll's mouth.

Third shot: I took the binky back from Llama and returned it to the rightful owner. Unhappiness ensued.

Fourth and final shot: Everyone is happy, except Llama's making a break for it. Hawaiian Punch was making this goofy face behind me that Llama loves, and Llama had plans to get to her aunt immediately to grab that face.

Yeah, so it was late. I hope you liked it anyway, I certainly did.

I'm going to add one more thing to my plate and start something called "Wordless Wednesday," and I'm totally stealing it from another blog (I can't even remember which, that's how sucky I am). Anyway, on Wednesdays, I'll put up a picture. Maybe it'll be Llama, maybe it'll be something cool I saw, whatever. I won't explain it, either - hence "Wordless Wednesday." I think it'll be fun, and maybe I'll use my camera a little more often.

Cowboy up, biotch.

2009-02-14T13:47:00.004-05:00

I really wanted to say that. I've been saying it in my head all day. Actually, I've been alternating it with "Cupcake up, baby," because Llama's birthday party "theme" will be cupcakes, and I'm going to go buy this pan to make a giant cupcake-looking cake for the party. I'm pretty excited about it, actually.

I gave Llama a yellow cupcake with white frosting the other day. It was the first one she ever had. I went to grab the camera to document what was surely going to be an adorable little face covered in icing, hands full of cake crumbs, and a big happy grin. Instead I came back (in less than 15 seconds) to an empty tray, clean hands, and only a small smudge of icing on her nose. SHE ATE THE WHOLE THING. I think she might have unhinged her jaw like a snake and swallowed it in its entirety, I'm not sure.

Also, we've had a nasty little stomach bug that Bucket brought home from work for us. Llama got to experience Jello, Sprite, Pedialyte, and spending the day with Grandma while Mommy and Daddy slept and hoped to die. She is a big fan of Jello and Sprite, an even bigger fan of spending the day with Grandma, and she hates Pedialyte. But now if she sees you drink anything from a real cup, especially if she has any suspicion that it might be Sprite (meaning it came from the fridge, like most drinks do), she wants to taste it. Llama is adept at drinking from a cup if you hold it for her, and she's working on holding it for herself. I'm pretty sure the motivation is that she thinks she could get more Sprite if she drank it from a Big Girl Cup.

So, Sprite and cupcakes are clearly on my girl's list of favorite things. Just like her mama.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day. Look what Llama can do!

Also, she can drive a fire truck. It's an impressive talent for such a young girl.

I cannot believe that in two months and three days, she's going to be a year old. No sappiness! None! I'm just going to keep that to myself and save it up for her birthday.

Enjoy your romance, or whatever it is that you're doing to celebrate today. I'm getting furniture!

So I'm totally slacking and I apologize.

2009-02-07T08:21:00.002-05:00

Since I last wrote:

The Steelers won the Super Bowl! (Welcome to Sixburgh!)
At the Super Bowl party, I took an awesome series of pictures with Llama and Tuna Roll. Everything started great. Llama was smiling and Tuna Roll was calm. (Picture one on Hawaiian Punch's camera.) Then Tuna Roll got upset, so we put a pacifier in her mouth. (Picture two, my camera.) Then Llama stole Tuna Roll's pacifier. (Picture three.) Then we took the pacifier away from Llama and gave it back, so Llama was upset and Tuna Roll was calm. (Picture four.) You can't see the pictures yet because...
Bucket went to Nowheresville, Nevada, where cell phones don't even work and there was no hotel. He had to stay in a trailer on the job site and the water smelled like sulfur so he didn't want to shower because he was afraid he'd smell worse afterwards. He'll be home tonight. He took my camera with him, though, before I took the Super Bowl series off of it.
I took two tests in two different classes and aced them.
Llama got roseola.

Life in the Llama house has been slightly insane these past few days. Pictures will be forthcoming.

The all-important First Birthday Party is scheduled for April 11. Invitations will also be forthcoming, but not until the end of February or early March. The first week of March is my Spring Break, so count on it then.

School seems to take up all my blogging time.

2009-01-27T07:54:00.002-05:00

Surprising, right? I know. Who would have thought that full-time graduate school plus full-time parenting would equal so much less internet and television time? I haven't even seen most of the American Idol tryouts (and you know they are my favorite!) and I've been watching Grey's Anatomy during Llama's Friday morning naps.

And yet, in the only class in which I have grades so far, I have a 94%. I thought I'd be doing better than that.

Some random things I have learned so far:

1. If you're five minutes early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, that is unacceptable. (This strongly correlates with my personal philosophy anyway.)

2. I am going to try very, very hard to schedule my classes so that in the fall, I have two really long nights of class instead of one long one and two short ones. It'll be brutal on those two nights, but I'll save $4 in tolls and $2 in vending machine snacks. I should be embarrassed about my vending machine snacks, but they're the only thing keeping me awake sometimes.

3. Sleep is for the weak. Or those without small children at home.

4. There are a lot of options for putting dinners in the crockpot that don't involve nasty Cream of Crap soup. This is good because then Bucket can just dish out some food for himself and for Llama, put the leftovers in the fridge, and I will eat when I come home. Everyone is happy.

5. I have to take the National Competency Exam (called "the comps" in the common vernacular) in order to graduate. To be licensed, I have to take 12 more credits and then pass the Licensing Exam. I'm going to do that, because I think it'll be far easier to just be licensed from the start than to try to go back later.

Things I have learned that are not even remotely school-related:

1. Llama is quite musical. I got her a xylophone (really it's a crocodile that has six keys and a mallet) and it is her new favorite.

2. Random older ladies claiming to be psychics find Llama and I irresistible. In the past two weeks, we have been approached by three different women all claiming to be able to tell me what Llama will be like as a teenager. I find it creepy and it makes me wish I had an ugly child, or one that didn't smile at strangers.

3. The soup, salad, and breadsticks lunch at Olive Garden is Weight Watchers friendly. If you don't eat the breadsticks, which of course, I don't care about anyway. It pleases me.

4. Local newscasters shop at Williams-Sonoma in Ross Park Mall. I saw one there in her glasses and with her hair in a ponytail. I did not say hi, because even though I watch her every morning, we're not friends.

5. When your Llama starts throwing her bowl and cup on the floor, she is done with breakfast. And therefore, I am done with blogging.

Here we go!

2009-01-19T11:12:00.005-05:00

Cheer the Steelers, the black and the gold - the town of Pittsburgh's heart and soul! Okay, I'm done singing. I just had to throw it out there that my beloved Steelers won the AFC Championship yesterday, beating the Baltimore Ravens (those Browns in Raven clothes...)!

And as promised, we went to the Carnegie Science Center on Saturday and had a really good time. Eight adults, five children. A good time was had by all.

Llama's favorite was the fish on the third floor. I'm not an awesome photographer, so you get to see the edge of Bucket's face. Oops. Anyway, watching her with the fish reminded me of when The Army Guy and I took my nephew to the Pittsburgh Zoo when he was about 18 months old, and he tried to climb in with the jellyfish. Apparently the fish love is genetic. If she could have figured out how to get in with them, she would have.

Bucket, being the supergenius engineer that he is, likes trains. It was awesome to watch him show Llama the trains, because she just listens to him as if every single thing he says is magic. He was explaining railroad car dumpers to her, because there is a replica there of something that his company makes.

Llama thought the table where you can see waves move through water was kind of neat. Not as neat as the fish, though. But neat enough. She was duly impressed that I could make it work, too.

That's all for today.

A post in which Llama does not feature at all.

2009-01-16T19:34:00.002-05:00

So, you know, if you're here for cute stories about her, just skip this one, mmkay?

I started class on Monday, and had three nights of class this week. I'm slightly overwhelmed, and yet, still excited. They do advise us (in writing, no less!) to be very selective about the personal information that we put forth on the internet. As if I weren't already! The only people who read this are people who I know anyway, and I still use code names just in case. Anyway, moving on.

I have a class in career counseling, a general overview of counseling theories, a class in group counseling, and a class that is not really a class. The not-class is really a group in which we pretty much examine ourselves, as far as I can see. I have to keep a journal for it, too. Blogging doesn't count! Who would have thought that? I really like everything so far, and even if I should get to a point where I am unhappy, I will keep on keepin' on, because I am paying a big pile of money for this.

And Bucket and Llama (I guess I lied!) are doing fabulously with their evenings together. Twice this week, she went to bed for him with no issue at all. Tonight when he walked in the door, she shoved off of me and launched herself at him. I guess that means they're best friends now, which makes me really happy!

So that's all for this week... and I don't even have a good picture to share... but tomorrow we're going to the science center with three sets of couplefriends and their kids. I know we'll have a great time, and I hope we get at least one good shot of Llama for me to bring back here!

I guess you'd call this a tribute.

2009-01-13T08:09:00.002-05:00

Sorry for not keeping up as well as usual - we have been experiencing some sickness issues here in the Llama house. But that is not what this is about.

Today is The Army Guy's birthday. And he will spend it on a plane to Kuwait. This is his second deployment to Iraq, and his third deployment in six years. While I'm grateful for his sacrifice and I know that without him and other people like him, this country would not be as protected as it is... I'd really just rather have my brother home.

He'll be home by October 2009, we hear.

Let me tell you about him. He's 25 (today!). He's my first younger brother (I have three). When we were kids, we were awful to each other. When we were in high school, we were even more awful to each other. Something changed after I moved out and we realized that our shared history was not normal (which is a subject for another post). We got to know each other as people, rather than as "older sister - younger brother," and it's the best thing that ever happened.

He is generous to a fault and believes deeply in serving his community. In addition to being in the National Guard, he is a volunteer firefighter and an EMT. He works for an ambulance service when he's home.

He's kind and sweet. He has a four-year-old son, Z-man, and a wife, Frenchy. Z-man looks just like him when we were little. It's almost eerie. When I look at him, I feel like I'm looking at The Army Guy 20 years ago.

I'm lucky to have a person like him in my life. I'm even luckier that we share 50% of our DNA.

Be safe, buddy. And happy birthday!

A plague upon our house

2009-01-09T07:05:00.005-05:00

I'm not cursing us. We have already been cursed. :p

It was only a matter of time before Llama got her first sickness that I wouldn't be able to do anything about. It's just a cold. And I'm just the mommy who sits up all night with her, coughing and wheezing, sneezing and sniffling. She does not want her daddy. Bucket tried valiantly last night, but she just kept crying pitifully until I came in and took over. My poor Llama.

Not sleeping is very hard. Sleeping sitting up is even harder for me. I can't do it, Captain! I tried, I sat there rocking with my eyes closed, but I only got dizzy.

You might think that she would have difficulties with her lack of sleep, like I'm having with mine (the typos run rampant and I'm sure my grammatical construction is... not good... worse than normal?), but no. She is playing on the floor.

What's in her hand, you ask? It's a back massager. She likes it.

Poor little Llama. She even looks sick in pictures. Now I'm trying to decide if it's a good idea to call the doctor, because tomorrow is Saturday, and I don't want to fight everyone else with a sick baby to get a weekend appointment, or let it wait to see if she gets better or worse. Big decisions here in the Llama house. :(

2008 Year in Review -- and 2009 Goals

2009-01-06T08:50:00.002-05:00

All the cool kids are doing it... and maybe if I "write" this down and make it public, it'll work. Right? RIGHT!?

Anyway. 2008.

January
It's hard to remember. I was pregnant. I was supposed to be on light duty, but my office didn't really care about that. Did we do anything? Go anywhere? No. Probably I spent a lot of time and money at Target. Oh! I know! I passed that test where you have to drink the nasty orange syrup stuff and hang out at the lab for a while. Go me!

February
My blood pressure was up and I was having headaches. My doctors were telling me how bad it could be and I was shrugging it off. My work finally decided to put me on office duty only. I was taking calls and not going in the field at all. For one week, because on February 22, I left work early because of a headache, went to the doctor, and then had to have Bucket meet me at home and get to the hospital for tests. I was not awesome. The doctors decided I would be completely done with work.

March
I was incredibly bored. Sitting at home was not for me. I didn't even have a baby to hang out with! And I wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere alone, except for my doctor's appointments. I started napping and watching a lot of Unsolved Mysteries reruns.

April
Although I did not want to have labor induced, at my last prenatal appointment (on my due date!), my blood pressure was high enough that my doctors were not comfortable letting me continue on by myself. Llama was born on April 17. It was excellent.

May
I finally had a baby to hang out with while I watched Unsolved Mysteries reruns and napped. It was kind of like hanging out with a meatloaf, though. She slept a lot and only woke up to eat and poop. But she was very portable and I could take her anywhere. I liked that a lot.

June
Nothing eventful happened in June. Maybe this was when The Army Guy told me he was going back to Iraq? Maybe I knew before that. I'm totally not sure. My brain has been taken over by important information like, "The cat will jump up and steal the baby's waffle if you don't put him in the basement during breakfast." Not that she ate waffles in June. That's present-day information.

July
I know we took the boat out for the Fourth of July. I think we only took it out twice? Three times, maybe? In this whole year. Good thing we paid for a slip so we could have it sit in the river and look nice. Llama hated her life jacket, which is totally not optional, and that greatly impacted my desire to go down to the boat. Having a baby who screams until she passes out, sleeps for a few minutes, and wakes up to scream again (repeat, repeat, repeat until the life jacket is removed) is not relaxing or fun. And I was/am nursing, so drinking wasn't an option. What else do you do when you're on a boat besides drink and play cards and sit on the bow saying, "I'm the queen of the world!"??

August
It was hot. I was bored. I went on a lot (A LOT) of walks with Llama, who promptly learned that if she made enough noise, she'd convince someone to take her out of the stroller. But not remove her sun hat.

September
We went to Maryland for Labor Day. Totally awesome. My mother- and father-in-law went out on Hawaiian Punch and iHusband's jet ski, dumped it a few times, and couldn't get it going again. MIL got hurt, so that sucked. But here is the funny stuff, because you know I don't tell a story unless it's amusing. Hawaiian Punch, Bucket, Llama, iHusband, and Bucket's aunt and uncle (who don't have names yet... I'm working on it) were hanging out with some fabulous margaritas, just chatting, when an older man in a Buick with a license plate on the front that said "Whizball" came into the driveway. He got out of his car and said, "There are these people, they say they know you." And we all looked at each other confusedly. He described the people. It didn't help. (What can I say?) Then he said, "The lady said her brother lives here and he has a dinghy." Yes, that was a true statement. But it still didn't accurately convey the situation at hand. Then he said, "They're in the water." Oh! Well, why didn't you say so, Whizball? So the rescue attempt was underway. The rest is kind of uneventful, except for the part where MIL comes walking up the road, completely soaking wet. And angry.

It was Bucket's 30th birthday and I threw him a surprise party that he mostly ruined with his nebbiness and question asking. It was not that surprising to him. His BFF (do boys have BFFs?) called him and asked for a ride. To his surprise party. So that part was already suspicious. And then we arrived, and Bucket spied his grandmother's car, and that part was ruined because he said to me, "Why are my grandparents here?" But it was fun nonetheless. Llama ate lemons and limes out of everyone's drinks. Impressive!

October
Mostly uneventful. Bucket was gone for about one million days. What did we do? I think we went to Target a lot. October 15 was our third wedding anniversary. Bucket wasn't here. Llama was an octopus for Halloween. She handed out candy with me and she got excited about the kids she saw.

November
It was MY BIRTHDAY and Bucket was not forthcoming with the birthday present, card, or party. I was miffed. (Great word, right?) He made up for it at Christmas. Thanksgiving was at Hawaiian Punch and iHusband's house. Fun times. The Army Guy left for training as he goes back to Iraq on January 13, which is a crappy birthday present for him.

December
Tuna Roll was born. Llama's first Christmas happened and many photos were taken. The Army Guy was home for a few days and that was awesome. We had probably the most sober New Year's Eve that we've ever shared (neither of us was drunk!) but it was also probably the most special so far because we had Llama.

Okay, that's 2008. Gah, I'm boring. Now on to the 2009 goals. I will establish five, because that seems like a manageable number.

Goal 1: Attain a 4.0 grade point average in my master's program.
I think it's pretty self-explanatory. I feel like I wasted my opportunities in college, even though I graduated with a perfectly respectable GPA. Except for that one semester (in which I met Bucket and alcohol...) that I had a 2.0. Right. So I know I can do it, now I'm going to prove it.

Goal 2: Finish kitchen.
This is not so much a goal for me as it is a goal for Bucket. It's important to me anyway. We've been in this house for three years and the first priority was supposed to be the kitchen. Which is still not done. I hate this kitchen.

Goal 3: Teach Llama to say "mama."
She does not say mama. Only "yeah," "no no no no no," and "cheese." That's unacceptable. Cheese is more important than me!? I'm only half kidding.

Goal 4: Take a class of some sort with Llama.
Swimming, music, The Little Gym... I haven't decided. But I think it would be good for both of us. Yesterday Llama had a playdate and she knocked the other little girl down, even though the other girl is 2 months older. No good. Llama's a bruiser and we need some interaction with other kids so she learns that knocking them down isn't nice. It's hard to teach that with a giant Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal.

Goal 5: Spend time in the evenings talking to Bucket instead of retreating to our respective corners.
He has the laptop, I have a book. Or I have the laptop, he has the remote. Etc. The possibilities of how we don't talk are endless. I'd rather talk to him. I can read during Llama's naptime.

There you go. Now I challenge you to 1) create a blog if you don't have one so I can read it, 2) do your year in review and goals for next year, 3) keep me accountable.

The Cast of Characters

2008-12-31T07:33:00.004-05:00

As promised. Because even I get confused with my code names.

Heather - me
Bucket - my husband
Llama - our daughter
Hawaiian Punch - Bucket's sister
iHusband - her husband
Tuna Roll - their daughter, Llama's cousin
The Army Guy - my brother
Frenchy - his wife
Z-man - their son, Llama's cousin
Wolfman - my brother

Those are the ones that exist presently. There are at least four people in the immediate family who don't have appropriate code names yet. I'll edit and add as needed.

A gratuitous Llama picture for the morning:

Late with the Christmas pictures...

2008-12-30T09:42:00.002-05:00

Here they are, nonetheless.

Llama tried to escape from Santa Claus, but she didn't cry.

My big crawling girl, Christmas morning.

I managed to dress her, but not myself. You don't get to see my face, either, as I was not really prepared for the day. In classic Heather fashion, I woke up late and scrambled around. This is Llama and her cousin Z-man playing with her new ball popper, a gift from Uncle Wolfman (he has wolves... hence his code name).
Christmas Eve, Llama and Tuna Roll with their great-grandparents. Coordinating dresses, of course!
These pictures are all out of order because Blogger and I are having a disagreement. This was the Saturday before Christmas, when she saw Santa. He brought her the very first Christmas present. Look at that concentration!

More photos will come after New Year's Day, when we see the other side of the family. Llama and Tuna Roll have matching dresses again! Hawaiian Punch and I are going to keep this up (the matching) until they tell us to stop.

I think I need to create a "Cast of Characters" post so everyone's code names/relationship to Llama and me is available. That's tomorrow's gig.

Christmas comes but once a year...

2008-12-24T23:31:00.002-05:00

Tonight, Llama, Bucket and I went to Bucket's grandparents' house for dinner. I drank a good bit of wine, and then we came home to let Santa Claus in. He visited with us and ate some cookies, helped me start tomorrow's breakfast, and then was on his way. We meant to go to Mass, but Llama was tired and we're pretty sure we can take a mulligan on this one. We hope, anyway.

Although Llama doesn't get it at all, she liked opening her presents from Bucket's grandparents and great-aunt. I can't wait for my brothers to get here in the morning so we can open all the stuff Santa left under the tree and gorge ourselves on fattening breakfast.

I'm going to sit here with Bucket and look at the lights on our tree... and think of this very night, five years ago, when Bucket asked me to marry him. It's a very good night.

Merry Christmas!

I cried while I wrote this.

2008-12-23T08:26:00.004-05:00

Through an MSN board, I was introduced to the blogs of two people who are living through my worst nightmare. One is Matt Logelin, whose wife died of a pulmonary embolism without ever holding their child, and he blogs about his life with their daughter. The other is Emilie. She is dying of an uncurable cancer that was diagnosed while she was pregnant with her second child, who is only 2 weeks older than Llama.

If you're a parent, you can understand the icy trickle of fear that happens when the thought of life without your child crosses your mind. The thought of Llama growing up without me leaves me breathless.

Last night, as I sat in the rocking chair in Llama's room, holding her and rocking her back to sleep, I thanked God for the opportunity to be her mother. And I asked Him to allow me to continue to be her mother until she doesn't need me anymore. And I apologized to Llama for the times when I asked (even silently) for her to just please go to sleep, please, please, please, or the times when I resented Bucket for leaving us alone to muddle through. Thank God I have the chance to do it.

Ah, sorry to have laid that out there on Christmas Eve-Eve. And now I have to work on my own particular brand of crazy and get the house cleaned so I can host Christmas morning. I hope you're ready for whatever brand of crazy you're selling this week!

The Mumbling Wives Club

2008-12-22T15:32:00.002-05:00

Established December 21, 2008. Consists of Hawaiian Punch (Tuna Roll's mama now has an appropriate code name), Llama-grandmama (who does not yet have an appropriate code name and is also Tuna Roll's grandma), and me. Apparently none of our husbands can understand us, ever, and this became the topic of conversation at last night's dinner.

We all understand each other just fine. I think it's the husbands who have a problem, not us.

As an aside, my Google Analytics is working. I used a free online tool called SiteScanGA, by EpikOne to figure it out. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Posting will be light this week, until Friday - when I hope to put up one meeelion pictures of Llama's first Christmas.

I'm adding something new.

2008-12-21T09:35:00.003-05:00

I've added Google Analytics to my blog. Not because I'm a creepy stalker, but because I'm nebby like that. It'll tell me where people are reading from - just city/state or country (not that I'm conceited enough to believe I have foreign readers... my brother goes back to Iraq shortly and I'm curious to see if the military will let him see this).

You don't have to do anything. Nothing changes on your end. I'm not even sure what changes on mine, to be honest, because I am not the computer guru of this house. Bucket thinks my blog is silly and he is not interested in helping me figure anything out, so I guess we'll see if I can do it alone or not.

Breakfast with Llama

2008-12-20T08:54:00.004-05:00

Llama eats three meals a day, and she does not like to be fed anymore. She is a big girl, and she wants to do it herself. To some extent, I agree with her. On the other hand, I like for some food to get inside her instead of on her or the floor, or in the dog.

A couple weeks ago, I made her some scrambled eggs and cheese. She likes it a lot, it's probably the most frequent breakfast choice around here. I was feeding her when the doorbell rang.

I didn't think about it, I just got up and went to answer the door. I left the bowl and spoon on her tray.

This is what I came back to:

See? She is a big girl. She has this all figured out. No assistance needed from me.

Hello, Pittsburgh Poison Control?

2008-12-19T09:14:00.002-05:00

Llama plays with cooking utensils, spices, and pots and pans while I cook dinner every night. She makes a bunch of noise, throws stuff around, and has a great time. Every single night. It seemed like such a great idea because she was right under my feet (constantly under my feet...) and not able to get into anything bad.

Who knew Llama had the motor skills to open the vanilla? Who knew she would drink and keep drinking the vanilla?

Not I.

Who smelled fresh-baked cookies and looked around for them before realizing her daughter was drinking the vanilla?

That'd be me.

I realized that what had been a brand-new, unopened bottle of vanilla on Sunday (when I used one tablespoon to make cookies) was now half empty, and there was none on the floor and none on Llama's shirt. She smelled like a really nice boozehound. I called my mother-in-law, but she didn't answer because she has a class on Thursday nights. I called Bucket, but he didn't answer his phone. I started to freak out as I read the bottle and realized that my vanilla was 35% alcohol. I did the calculation in my head and further realized that 35% equals 70 proof. And she drank half the bottle.

I did the only other thing I could think of. I called Poison Control. I couldn't remember the national number, but I could remember the local one. (If you didn't know, Poison Control started in Pittsburgh and the national center may still be located here, I don't even know.)

A very nice nurse there advised me that I should watch Llama for signs of drunkenness, feed her something sugary that she would eat for sure (a popsicle was suggested), and keep her awake for an hour to an hour and a half. Signs of drunkenness. Are you laughing yet? I wasn't last night, but I am now. So I stripped Llama to her diaper and gave her a nice green popsicle. Finally Bucket called me back, and I gently advised him to come home immediately before my head exploded.

He got home and found everything to be hilarious. I was not yet in a frame of mind for hilarity. So while I finished cooking dinner (of course I did not finish dinner while I was thinking my child was poisoned), he and Llama played on the living room floor. She was dancing. She was laughing. She is my child! She got drunk and danced around. College, here we come!

And then she ate most of Bucket's dinner and half of his dessert because he was holding her while he ate (she would not be contained any other way...) and she kept opening her mouth when he brought the fork to his face, so he gave it to her. Nice daddy. She finally crashed (and I do mean crashed) about 9:15, which is far later than her usual 8 pm bedtime.

And slept through the night for about the third time in her life.

Is it wrong that I have pondered whether vanilla would be okay on a regular basis? I'm so kidding. Have a great day, and don't poison yourself!

The Adventures of Llama and Tuna Roll, Number 1

2008-12-18T07:03:00.002-05:00

That's a great title, isn't it? Llama's cousin has an appropriate code name for me to use on the internet, supplied by her mother (who does not yet have an appropriate code name).

Yesterday, my two sisters-in-law (called SILs for the purposes of this post) and I took Llama (8 months) and Tuna Roll (1 week) to the mall to have Christmas pictures taken. You may ask why we waited until 8 days before Christmas to do this, and the answer is that we are insane. No, really, the answer is that Tuna Roll wasn't even born until a week ago!

The day started when I picked up the younger SIL (seriously, I need to figure out appropriate code names for them) and accidentally beeped the horn. I am not a beeping-the-horn kind of girl, I think it's rude. But I was trying to move Llama's dresses and diaper bag to the backseat of my little car that is mostly taken up by Llama's giant seat. Seriously, I think the seat is bigger than the car and it's a miracle that I'm able to get it in and out. So I was already flustered, but I got that under control. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. We didn't even have a plan!

We arrived at Tuna Roll's house and Tuna Roll's mama (other SIL) needed to get dressed, because everything that happens with an infant seems to take ten times as long as it should. (Believe me, I know, I can't seem to do anything in a timely manner anymore.)

Then we went to go move Llama's seat into Tuna Roll's mama's Jeep, because there was no way three adults and two babies would fit in my car. Should I have been doing this while younger SIL played with both babies and Tuna Roll's mama got dressed? Yes, in retrospect. But who knew that Bucket would have jammed Llama's seat into my car so tightly that it would take a YEAR to get it unLATCHed? LATCH is such a nice idea, when it works easily, like in Tuna Roll's mama's Jeep. In the Subaru, the bars are buried deeply, and you have to reach your hand into the seat all the way back to Japan to grab them. Really. There is a rip in the time-space continuum and you can reach Japan from my car.

Finally, I got the seat loose from my car. Yay! And then it was time to put it in the Jeep, because I wasn't tired enough yet! That was surprisingly easy. The only snag was that in order to get a good install, I have to get in the seat and pull the LATCH strap. So younger SIL took a photo (because an adult in a baby seat is irresistable), and she claims it is flattering. I'm not sure because I haven't seen it.

And off we went, only 90 minutes after we had intended to leave.

So we arrived at the mall (South Hills Village, for you Pittsburghers) and went to Picture People. I had called on Tuesday and they told me to just take our chances with walking in, because they didn't have any more appointment slots available but they did keep walk-in appointments available. Whatever, that doesn't make sense to me, but I rolled with it. It was a madhouse. Of course it was! It was 8 days before Christmas! We got a time, went to eat, and returned at the appointed hour (that part is very boring).

And then we wrestled Llama into her dress. She was not a fan. Tuna Roll is much easier to wrestle, since she doesn't have much of an opinion yet. Keep in mind that we were doing this picture session during Llama's naptime! Good planning on my part. Everything was relatively uneventful until Llama fell and bonked her head. Get my Mother of the Year award ready, because we continued the photo session with just Tuna Roll as I calmed Llama. Then we changed their outfits and went with both of them. Bruises and red marks can be photoshopped out, but Christmas pictures are forever!

The photos are beautiful and will be going out in my (late) Christmas cards this week.

Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree...

2008-12-13T14:56:00.003-05:00

How lovely are your branches! (And now that's stuck in your head, too.)

Today, Bucket, Llama, and I put up the Christmas tree. Llama mostly interfered. And it's slightly depressing, but heartwarming at the same time, to see that there are about 10 ornaments total on the tree. Depressing because we have so many beautiful ornaments not on there, and heartwarming because the reason they aren't up is Llama. All the most beautiful ornaments are blown glass or cut crystal, and for obvious reasons, we can't hang them from the most sparkly, colorful, exciting, brand NEW thing in the living room.

I've never talked about this on here before, but we tried for a long, long time to have a baby. Maybe not long in the infertility world, but it was 13 months, which felt like an eternity. I watched people get pregnant who didn't want their babies, I continued to work with kids whose parents didn't want them, and I cried a lot. For the past two Christmases, we didn't put the tree up. Last year, it was because I was already having problems with the pregnancy and I just could not do it. The year before that, though, it was because I was so sad, and putting the tree up would have been a reminder of all the things I used to do with my family as a child.

And yet, this year, it is a reminder of all the things I used to do with my family. I'm already very excited to make cookies with Llama. Can she really do anything besides slobber over some dough and stick her fingers in the icing? No, and that's what going to be so fun for us.

In other news, Llama has a new cousin. She was born 12/10/08, and she is beautiful. She is the first person we know who Llama is older than! I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know that Llama has someone to grow up with.

Merry Christmas. I know it's not here yet and I'm jumping the gun... Christmas is Bucket's favorite holiday, and it is my mother's, too. What a juxtaposition that is for me, for reasons best left for another (more depressing) post. Anyway, I hope your days are merry and bright!

Llama's Birth Story

2008-12-09T07:25:00.003-05:00

Since MSN is closing their boards in February, and I have Llama's birth story typed out and bookmarked there, I'm moving it here. For my own purposes, I want to save it forevah. :) Although the original has all our names in it, I'll obviously be changing hers to Llama and my husband's to Bucket.

Short version: Baby Llama was born at 2:55 pm on 4/17/08. She was 21 1/4 inches long and weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz. We could not be happier.

Long version: My doctor's office had told me to stop eating 12 hours before and stop all fluid intake 6 hours before my induction. Turns out that was wrong and I was starving for no reason. We arrived for the induction on time, but there was a "situation" at the hospital, so all the doors were locked and we were stuck in the ER's waiting room (after hours entrance) for a while, and then finally we were admitted an hour later, and the pitocin drip was started about 2:00 am. It was not as bad as I thought. I really had this mental picture of my contractions going from not so bad to unbearable in a few minutes, and that's not what happened. In fact, I was just starting to use the controlled breathing techniques that we'd learned in my childbirth class when my doctor broke my water and said I had to get the epidural in order to lower my blood pressure. By the way, Bucket was watching when they broke my water. If you were wondering what it looks like, it's a "great big nasty mess" and it "comes shooting right out of you." I really liked my epidural, but it lowered my blood pressure tooooo much and I was really light-headed and nauseous once it was in full effect. Apparently I told Bucket that if I had met an epidural before I met him, I would have married it instead. I don't remember and therefore I deny that.

At 10 am, I got the epidural, and I was at 3cm. At noon, I was at 5cm and told Bucket to go call the family to come to the hospital. He thought I was out of my mind and that I had a lot longer to go, so he didn't. At 1:30, I was at 8cm, and Bucket finally went to go call people. When he came back in the room, I begged him to take me to the bathroom to poop. Because he is intelligent, he did not do that. I told him that I was either pooping or pushing out a baby and I was doing it damn fast, so he better go get the nurse. He did, and when she came back after what felt like eternity (but was really 5 minutes), I was all the way to 10cm, so they turned down my epidural to let me get started pushing. I got three good pushes, and the nurse made me stop, slapped an oxygen mask on me, and went for the doctor. She told Bucket to keep me calm and to just have me breathe through contractions rather than push. I thought they were all out of their damn minds, to tell me to start and then tell me to stop. But then the doctor came in - I pushed once and Llama's head came out, I pushed again and the rest of her was born.

I'll spare you the picture of me with oxygen mask holding slimy baby and crying. Here's cleaned up Llama:

I did the whole thing with 5 pushes in 20 minutes. If you think that's a good idea, to push a baby out that fast, you are wrong. I don't know how many stitches, because I told my doctor not to tell me. I know I am very messed up, though, and that when we have another baby, I'll definitely be induced again because they will not let me go into labor on my own. Once I started progressing, man, did I ever progress. The family did not make it on time, by the way, and then they had to wait while my undercarriage was sewn back together before they could see the baby, because I wasn't letting her go and the doctor wasn't letting other people in.

Words can't explain how much I love this little girl. She is sweet, happy, laid-back, and adorable. Breastfeeding is going well after a rocky start, and she's sleeping right now which is why I have time to post this. Bucket is the best husband and the best father, and I can't believe how much different my love for him is now that I see him taking care of his daughter (and me, to be honest). I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe.

Edited to add: Reading this again makes me teary. Llama is still my sweet little baby, of course, but she's not my tiny, cuddly baby. I thought people were full of crap when they told me time would go too fast, but they were right.

Don't read unless you want a Grey's Anatomy spoiler.

2008-12-05T07:42:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I still watch Grey's Anatomy. All the cool kids say it's jumped the shark and that they are done watching. I've never been that cool.

So Izzie sees dead Denny and she's doing him. I read a spoiler that although she doesn't have a brain tumor, she has some kind of organic brain issue (I already forgot...) that when it "acts up," causes her to see Denny. And when it's "really bad," she bangs him. Well, whatever. At least she's getting some, even if it's all in her mind. I just want them to hurry up and get to dealing with the organic brain issue, because I'm having a real problem suspending my disbelief.

That's all. I'm kind of annoyed with it. And there are lots of other things happening in the Llama arena, but I'll have to get to that some other day. She's a very busy Llama.

Not sure what I expected...

2008-12-02T14:07:00.003-05:00

I hate Wal-Mart and I'm not ashamed to say it. It's a frustrating, disorganized store with bad customer service. I should know, I worked at one for a few years in college. But they're the only brick-and-mortar store that claims to have the Incrediblock in stock, and I just noticed while creating that link that Fisher Price says it's out of stock, too. What. the. hell.

Anyway, I checked Wal-Mart's website and it said they had them. I called my local store and they said they had them. I drove to my local store, which is 30 minutes and 18 miles away. There were no Incrediblocks on the shelf. I went to customer service and asked if they had them. The lovely (please note sarcasm) customer service associate advised me that there were three on the shelf. I advised her, gently, that there were none on the shelf. She asked me if I "looked real hard." I said that yes, I had. She had one of her compatriots check "the back," where no Incrediblocks were found. I left empty-handed and annoyed.

Now I'm doubly annoyed because my backup plan was to buy it from Fisher Price, and it's out of stock. This was going to be Llama's big gift for Christmas. And I know she doesn't get it and that it doesn't matter, but it matters to me because I get it.

For some reason, this toy has become the symbol of everything I'm failing at right now, and I seem to think that if I can just get this one toy, I'll be the best.

Hugh Hefner didn't lose his virginity until he was married.

2008-12-01T20:22:00.002-05:00

This message brought to you by boredom and "The Girls Next Door." Who knew I was more of a 'ho than Hef?

Llama's pulling up to her feet and cruising. She's on the move and I am astonished. I'm not quite sure what to make of her, but she's my little sunshine.

Seems wrong to follow up a thought about Hef with a thought about Llama, right? So I'll follow that with a thought about my potential mom-ride. We're seriously investigating the GMC Acadia because my little Subaru is too little, too much of a hassle, and is really annoying with the recurring mechanical problems. I have bounced back and forth between little spiffy cars and big SUVs for the past 10 years, and I think I'm ready to settle into this thing. It's not little. It's not an SUV. It's a crossover, and I am the target market. Bucket is into it, too. If we can get a deal (and we should be able to, with the state of GM and the economy in general), I'll be driving it by Christmas. Cross your fingers.

Speaking of Christmas, I am not in the spirit yet. I think once I get the tree up, I'll be doing a lot better. I'm trying to figure out how to decorate without making anything dangerous available to my newly mobile and curious Llama. Pictures will follow once I figure it out. Have a happy day!

It's Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown!

2008-11-27T07:43:00.002-05:00

Here's my list of things I'm thankful for. Please assume that I am more thankful for my daughter, husband, family, and friends than anyone could know and that a blog post would not do that justice.

Heather's Thanksgiving Happy List (in no particular order)

Wine
Grey's Anatomy
Fiestaware
Cute shoes
The Steelers
Guitar Hero
Jewelry
Margaritas
The Wii I hope to be receiving for Christmas (perhaps Bucket will read this...)
Roomba

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you're going to be spending it with someone you love. I'll be with a lot of someones I love. :)

Eh, I give up on updating daily.

2008-11-26T07:05:00.002-05:00

It's clearly not for me. :p

So, my baby girl is crawling. She's ambitious. She wants to ride the Roomba and eat the houseplant. (Yes, I only have one plant inside. I haven't killed it yet and it's been three - I think? - years. Mostly it's not dead because Bucket is really good about watering it.) Llama becomes very angry when she's denied access to the Roomba, but she's easily distracted by a block tower. She is very excited when someone builds her a nice big tower to knock down. I'm trying to teach her to clap and say "Yay!" because how cute would it be if that was the first thing she said? I'm mostly doing that defensively, because Bucket sees no problem with her listening to Howard Stern or to music with the swears in it, and I'm afraid that her first recognizable word might be "f*ck." Or "strippers." I'm not sure which would be worse, but I'd really prefer "Yay!"

On the ambitious front, you've probably heard this news already, but just in case you haven't... I was accepted to graduate school! I start January 12, and I'll be getting my master's in counseling and education. I'm very, very, very excited. The classes I have this semester are in the evenings, too, which is wonderful because we won't be paying for Llama-care. Bucket and I will do a handoff, and one night a week, Bucket will hand her off to his mom and I will pick her up there because he has a weekly meeting. Llama-grandmama offered, and I gratefully accepted.

Bucket and I will be ships passing in the night three days a week, and I'm assuming that there will be plenty of other days that I'm doing homework or he has something to do, or (God forbid) he'll be traveling again. He is nervous that it'll be a struggle, and of course it will. In the end, though, we'll all be happier for it.

I'm very excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Best. Holiday. Ever. Who can be upset about a day that focuses solely on food? Can't wait. Fatty's ready. I'm in charge of the wine and the appetizers. It's being hosted by my sister-in-law, who is a million weeks pregnant (I can say that because I was once a million weeks pregnant and I know the feeling) and uncomfortable. She's a rockstar. Last year, I hosted at 5 months pregnant and I wanted to die. Bucket was not working, but he was doing house renovations. I was working 60 hour weeks to make up for the lost income. I was already having blood pressure and swelling issues. And 22 people were coming to my house to eat. I delegated many tasks. And when Llama's aunt (I can't think of a cute rhyming name yet...) didn't tell me what to do for dinner, I told her what I would do. Because sometimes it needs to happen that way. I don't want her to feel like she's going to die, although that's probably going to happen no matter what.

Enjoy the time with your families - and the food! Happy Thanksgiving!

PS: Tomorrow I will do the list of things for which I am thankful. :)

Falling down on the job, part II

2008-11-17T08:24:00.002-05:00

Again, I got all tangled up in real life and didn't post every day like I said I would. Oops. Guess I'm not ready to be a participant in National Blog Posting Month... good thing it's almost over, right?

Today, Llama turns seven months old. Right now the light of my life is bouncing in her jumper because that's one of the only places I can keep her contained. She wants to eat the Playstation wires. I guess we all want stuff, right?

Speaking of wants, I want snow. I want a lot of snow, and Bucket will not move us back to Erie where the snow is. He's so unfair, talking about how he has a job and we own a house, and all that nonsense. We have a tiny little dusting of white stuff on the grass, but Erie got five inches. Too bad I love Bucket more than I love snow, I guess.

Snow is a funny word, when you type it too many times, it looks like gibberish. I'm becoming an expert on gibberish. Llama is fluent in it and I'm starting to understand a little.

Back to how Llama turns seven months old. If you count the whole time I was pregnant (and I do), I've been a mom for a year and a third. Sixteen months. It seems like such a short time for such a big change. We should be given more time to adjust to the idea, I think. Maybe without being huge and feeling icky. My sister-in-law is pregnant and due in a month, and I do not envy her one bit. That last month was torturous. Of course, I do envy her getting a tiny, smooshy, snuggly baby. My baby is not tiny, definitely not smooshy, and absolutely not snuggly anymore. She is on the move. I am not allowed to snuggle her unless it is bedtime and she is very, very tired. It seems like I should have gotten more time for that, too.

Maybe the sleep deprivation is what keeps me going. I remember reading once, somewhere, that if you cut your calorie intake in half (?? something like that) and slept only four to five hours a day (I think... can't remember for sure...), you could double your life expectancy. Or something. I'm halfway there, anyway. I'm good with not sleeping. I cannot, however, stop eating. Some days that's the only reason I get out of bed. Well, that and the organic alarm clock. Llama is very noisy when she's unhappy. Hard to sleep through that.

And now, strangely, all I can think of is how I would like some cake and some wine. It's not even close to a time where that would be an acceptable meal. Something tells me it should be noon... or later... before I bust out the corkscrew and cake server. But it does remind me that I'm taking Llama to the liquor store with me today. Yay, Mother of the Year award, coming my way!

Good morning, Baby Llama...

2008-11-11T08:28:00.002-05:00

I sing a good morning song to Llama every day when I wake her up. It's to the tune of "Happy Birthday," and I do call her Llama in real life. She's my little Baby Llama. Her favorite book is "Llama Llama Red Pajama," and that is why she's Llama. Daddy wears a hard hat when he's on job sites, and his head is so big that his hard hat looks like a bucket. People used to call him Buckethead, and then just Bucket... and it made a nice code name. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

This morning, I went in to her room, singing as usual, expecting to find her up on her hands and knees and rocking. But no! She crawled across her crib to me! We have mobility! And no baby gates. That's today's project. Cupboard latches, doorknob thingys, and baby gates.

Y'know, if I have one failing (snicker), it's that I only vacuum the things you can see. Well, really, I have a Roomba. But it only vacuums the things it can see. Anyway, Llama is like a little human dust mop, and she has found the secret stockpiles of dog hair that we keep under the couches in case terrorists who are allergic to dogs come. She keeps trying to eat it. Apparently I'm going to have to pick up the pace a little bit on the housekeeping.

With that in mind, I'm going to shop for a couch. And babyproofing items. I guess I know what Bucket and I will be doing this evening, and it's not playing Guitar Hero. Have a good day!

Falling down on the job

2008-11-10T09:29:00.002-05:00

So I posted about November being the month where bloggers commit to posting every day, and then I didn't post for a bunch of days. Oops. Sorry about that.

Anyway, since I have last written, Llama and I went to Grove City to the outlets with my friend and her twin girls. It was lots of fun, but I do not envy my friend much anymore. I was jealous because I wanted twins. Basically, twins are twice as much work... and everyone and their mom thinks they have a right to come and make odd comments, stare, or try to touch your kids. I'm insane about that already, with just one baby. Bucket thinks I'm rude because when people try to touch Llama, I tell them that her doctor says we shouldn't let people touch her. I've also told people she had a contagious disease. Bucket wasn't around for that one. He would have thought that was really rude.

And this weekend, I went to Erie all by myself. Llama and Bucket stayed home together. They had a great time. I was a wreck. I was crying by the time I got to the interstate (30 minutes into my 27-hour-long trip) and drinking almost immediately upon arrival at the bridal shower. That's right, I had an alcoholic beverage at 11am on Saturday. At a bridal shower. I am a classy, classy lady, and don't you forget it. I called home so many times that Bucket was tired of hearing my voice. I think he heard from me more in 27 hours than he did in the past 10 years. Then I drove home like a bat out of hell and thought I had gotten a speeding ticket.

I was flying down the road at about 20 mph over the speed limit, talking on my cell phone, cruise control set. That's right, when the baby's not in the car, I'm a speed demon and dangerous as hell. I flew past a state trooper who had the speed trapper thingy sticking out the window. I knew that I was sunk. He pulled out onto the road right behind me. I hung up on my brother. I dropped the cruise speed to 5mph over the speed limit. (I didn't want to be too obvious.) And then the trooper exited the highway. I was (and am) happy I didn't get a ticket, but man. That was kind of a dick move. And I bet the trooper knows it, too. No speeding ticket for me, which is great, since I just weaseled out of one at this time last year, which means that it would still show up if the trooper ran my license, and then there would be no escaping the giant fine or the points on my driving record.

Llama fared just fine with her weekend with Daddy. So did Bucket. I typed out Llama's whole schedule for Bucket, which he promptly ignored. He took her to his mother so he could get some stuff done. For some reason, dads don't have any of the guilt with dropping the baby off with someone else that moms have. (Llama's grandmother doesn't have a cute name yet. We're working on it. One suggestion was "Grandma Va-jay-jay." It was vetoed by several people.)

Llama is getting a cousin for Christmas. Any other suggestions? Things I can provide. Toys and such. Not siblings, because I couldn't gestate fast enough. Not to mention that I want eight continuous hours of sleep before I'll consent to thinking about another baby. These decisions should not be made by the sleep deprived.

And now I will end this strange, disjointed post. Y'know, I started this blog because I used to write fairly often (and fairly well, by most reports). Today is not a shining example. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

Realizing I made a big, bad boo-boo

2008-11-05T08:27:00.002-05:00

So yesterday, I wrote about how I was annoyed that people who were supposed to be my friends weren't calling me back. Last night, I was frustrated enough that I left a short, angry message on one of their voicemails. I didn't say anything mean, it was the way I said it that was mean. And her feelings were hurt.

See, for more than a year, I've been feeling like these two people have become closer friends and excluded me. That colored how I chose to talk to one of them last night (the one I've known longest). It wasn't appropriate behavior on my part, and I'd be feeling just as hurt as she is if I had received a similar message.

We've been drifting apart, mostly because I felt excluded more than a year ago and decided to just keep that to myself and let it eat at me for all this time. And then when my friend couldn't come to Llama's baptism, even though it was for a very good and understandable reason, I let that combine with my hurt feelings from before. Then when my friend went on a very nice vacation, I was jealous. I haven't been on vacation in more than two years and I am not likely to be seeing any warm tropical beaches (or snow-covered mountains, or national landmarks) any time soon. So I just packed that jealousy in with my hurt feelings and held onto it.

Then I dumped it out on her last night. Which she didn't and doesn't deserve. I can't apologize enough. Before you think that this is an open apology to her, let me tell you that we have drifted apart enough that I never even sent her a link to this blog. She's been my best friend since we were fifteen years old, and I haven't told her most of the stuff on here or that this even exists, because I was being petty and jealous. I'm ashamed. This is not how I want to raise my daughter to act. I'm a better person than this. I'm a better friend than this. Or I used to be.

I've been dealing with some depression and anxiety issues. That's not an excuse. I'm stressed out, lonely, scared, and sad a good portion of the time. That is also not an excuse. I know better. I wasn't taught better, but I have taught myself better. I'm ashamed that I seem to have reverted to behaviors my mother uses and that's not acceptable to me or to anyone else.

I'm trying. I'm sorry.

Have you ever heard that November is National Blog Posting Month?

2008-11-04T10:24:00.002-05:00

So there's this thing called NaBloPoMo, where you post every. single. day. through November. I'm getting a late start. I don't know that I'll be able to do weekends, since they're pretty hectic around here, with Bucket being home and trying to get house projects done. I write when Llama's sleeping, but if Bucket's home, all bets are off. Anyway, I'm going to do my best to keep up with it.

I'm very excited today (only partially because it's Election Day). Tomorrow, I'm going to have lunch and shop with some very fun girls and our babies! Three moms, four babies, one lunch table. I can't wait.

And I'm also kind of annoyed today because I'm supposed to go to a wedding shower-slash-bachelorette party in Erie this weekend. It would have been a snap to handle this before we had Llama. I would have just gone alone. But Llama is breastfed and she's never been away from me for more than four hours yet. I realize the time is coming when I will be leaving her in someone else's care for longer than that, but I don't think this is the time. Anyway, the original plan was that Bucket and Llama would be in a hotel room while I attended the various events and made my command performance. But now Bucket might have to be out of town, and if he is, that totally wrecks the entire plan. I can't leave Llama alone in a hotel room. So I called the hostesses of the shower (who are allegedly my friends) and asked if Llama would be welcome at the shower with me and said that if this all came to pass, that I would be unable to come to the bachelorette party at all. Nobody has answered my question yet.

Now, I realize it's very rude to bring a person to an event to which they were not invited. That is not my intention. I only want to know if they intended for me to bring Llama or not. If not, that is fine, and I apologize very much, but I will not be there at all. That is just the way it has to be, and it sucks, and people will be angry and disappointed with me, which also sucks. There is nothing I can do about that. So I wait for a return phone call and hope that sooner or later, I will get an answer. Because at this point, I kind of feel like calling and leaving the message that we aren't coming. Just out of annoyance with the whole thing, which is not the right thing to do.

Speaking of the right thing to do, I am going to go vote as soon as Llama wakes up from her morning nap. Happy Election Day!

Things Llama does that make me laugh - in list form

2008-11-03T08:06:00.003-05:00

Because I'm feeling lazy. Or efficient. Or efficiently lazy? Lazily efficient? Anyway, the list.

Yesterday I parked her in front of a three-way mirror while I tried on pants. She loves herself. She laughs and coos to herself and tries to touch her face. It was a great way to occupy her so I could look at my own butt.
She dances to crappy peppy music in the store. Totally be-bopping in the stroller, tapping her feet together, all in time to some stuff I'm too old to recognize.
She tries to take my slippers off my feet and eat them. If she succeeds in getting my slippers off, she wants to lick my toes. (I don't let her eat my slippers or lick my toes.)
She turns her head completely sideways, like 90 degrees from where it started, to look at me when I'm getting her food ready. Her forehead almost touches her shoulder. I have no idea how she does it.
Finally, she pooped while Bucket was in charge!
She will not sleep if something more interesting is happening. It's amusing because I am the same way, so maybe it's genetic? Nebbiness must be dominant. Bucket sleeps through anything.
She beeps noses and laughs if you beep her nose.
She blows raspberries when she's not happy with her circumstances for whatever reason. You fed her applesauce? Apple covered raspberries to you. You put her in her carseat? Raspberries. You are brushing your teeth while she sits in her crib awake, but she can hear you and knows you're up? Many raspberries.
Licking the hardwood floor... every chance she gets.
She pets kitties and puppies (nicely, even!), and will reach for them after they have gotten tired of her and walked away.

Edited to add:

When she is done with whatever I'm feeding her, she shakes her head no over and over again. If you ask her if she's done, she shakes her head no and laughs. If I take her at her "word," and stop feeding her, she cries.
She loves shredded cheese. Ahhh, she is my child.

My PSA for the day... I don't care who you vote for, just go vote tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T07:04:00.002-04:00

Halloween is not even close to the top of my list of favorite holidays, but I'll take it. There's candy and costumes, which are kind of fun, except that I haven't dressed up since the year I started dating Bucket. I love mid-to-late October for so many reasons, but the biggest is that I met, became "serious" with, and married Bucket in October. Our first date was a Halloween party. I was Glinda the Good Witch, and he was a puppy. I'm so serious. If you know him, you know how incongruous that costume is. He had a black headband with ears sewn to it, some spots painted on his face, and a black t-shirt and jeans on. That's a lot more fitting with his personality - minimum effort for maximum effect, right?

He was the dj at the very first fraternity Halloween party I ever visited. I had two dates for this party, and neither one was him. His date was a different girl. And yet, somehow, after a few too many games of Jungle Juice Pong (I don't like beer), I was dancing with him. It mystified me then how the dj could walk away and still provide music, but I know now it was the magic of computers.

That was nine years ago. We've had some stumbles and we've taken our (verbal) swings at each other, but all in all, it was a very good Halloween then, and it'll be an even better one tonight.

Plus we have Llama to dress up until she can complain and tell us no. We're not trick or treating because I kind of think it's shameful to take a kid who can't eat candy out to get candy - everyone will know it's for me. And I can buy my own. So she'll answer the door with me in her octopus costume until she's tired of it.

May all your treats be tasty and your tricks cheap to clean up.