Well, welcome back. To myself.

Long story, no excuses. I haven't been here because life got out of hand. Since I last wrote:

• I went to the funeral of the kid I wrote about last.
• I turned 28.
• I finished my semester with a 4.0.
• Bucket's grandma died.
• Christmas happened. Santa was good to us.
• New Year's happened. Aunt Dots slept over with Llama and Bucket and I went out as a couple for the first time in forevah.
• We went to Disney World with The Army Guy, Frenchy, and Z-man.
• I went to my oldest friend's baby shower. And by oldest, I don't mean she's the oldest person I know. I mean I've been friends with her since we were 15.

Obviously I have a lot of photos and a lot of stories and a lot of things to talk about. I'm only going to tell the happy or funny ones here.

I start back to school in two short days, and I go back to work this afternoon. Somehow having things to do makes me more motivated than NOT having scheduled things to do.

Pictures coming either later today or tomorrow. Some of them. There are so many that I can't do it all at once!

A Fun Day at Target with Llama

On Wednesday, Llama and I went to Target for a few last minute purchases (we hosted Thanksgiving dinner for 17 people). It was mostly successful, until I realized that I'd forgotten the very important Wii accessories that were actually the real (and secret) reason for the trip. I mean, how would I entertain people if I only had one wheel for MarioKart and one motion thingy for the Sports Resort game? So I took the stuff that I remembered to the car and we went back in. I got distracted when I noticed Yankee Candles. (Sidenote: I'm often distracted, in case that's news to you.)

So I stopped to investigate these candles and sniff them to see if I wanted anything new, because I'm ridiculous in the candle-buying department. I dropped a lid, and Llama said... FUCK. And my first response was to laugh, but I managed to keep a straight face as I came up from the ground, and I looked at her and said, "That is not a nice word. I'd like you to use a better one." Yeah, yeah, she's 19 months old and she doesn't understand logic. Well, whatever, she'll never understand if I don't work with her.

So she again says, "Fuck." And I repeat that it's not a nice word. She starts pulling at the buckle on the strap keeping her in the seat, and yelling, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I hustled out of Target with no candles. I got the Wii accessories later.

And do you know what Bucket pointed out to me yesterday? She was saying "STUCK." She does not like to be strapped in anywhere, and she proclaims that she is "stuck" all over the place. In the car, when she's being held against her will in places like church or time out... and in Target.

Good thing he translates for me.

Contemplating mortality

My brothers lost a really, really good friend last night. He was only my friend by extension - I didn't talk to him regularly, his number was not in my cell phone, and we didn't email. We weren't Facebook friends. But he was family to my brothers, and so I grieve for him, his mother, and my brothers.

He was the first guy to talk to my youngest brother when we moved to a tiny little town. He was the kind of guy who literally would do anything for you. As I've mentioned a couple times, we didn't have the best childhood, and we cobbled together our own families as we could. This guy was part of theirs.

I'm comforted by believing that there is a Heaven and that he is there. I'm comforted by believing that God will bring his mother and my brothers and all of his other friends and family strength and peace. I believe that there are people who are too good for this world and they get called home too early, and that he is one of them.

Vaya con Dios.

Part Two: It's all fun and games until a random guy tries to convince you to get B12 shots

This is the second part of the story of our trip to Great Wolf Lodge. Part One is here.

Okay, so Llama was bathed and ensconced in bed with Bucket, all nice and snuggly warm, so my brothers and I went to the Meijer store next door to find laundry detergent. I'd never been in a Meijer. It's like a super Wal-Mart, with food, car parts, clothes and all, but with the added benefit of having beer, wine, and liquor because it's not in Pennsylvania.

So we found the laundry detergent and I thought we were in business, but then Wolfman decided that he wanted to check out the alcohol selection. It was not great. It was the kind of liquor that poor, underage college students without any good friends drink. I'm talking about a gallon of vodka for $5. Even Vladimir costs $13 for a gallon - I should know, I drank enough of it. The Army Guy and I were just poking fun at the knock-off names, like John Danvers and Admiral Nelson (but there was no Jack Daniels or Captain Morgan), while Wolfman inspected the offerings.

Wolfman made the mistake of saying that he wanted Red Bull. A nearby man took that as an invitation to start telling us about his brother, the ER doctor, who regularly takes shots of B12 in order to stay awake. He talked at length about vitamins and how mega-doses of vitamins will provide energy and stamina. He also told us he had been awake for "days." Wolfman just kept nodding and providing more and more personal information, like "We're not from here," and "We're staying right over there."

At one point, I looked at The Army Guy and said, "Is this really happening?" and he nodded, so I guess it was.

Finally, I said, "We have to go, thanks for your time!" and started walking away. The Army Guy followed, and eventually Wolfman did, too. I guess I wasn't clear enough when we were little - you do not talk to strangers! You certainly don't tell them you're traveling! And so we laughed about it because nothing bad happened to us.

Part Three: It's all fun and games until your daughter sticks her hand in a strawberry margarita will follow soon.

It's all fun and games until someone throws up in the bed.

A few weeks ago, we set out for Great Wolf Lodge, with the intention of meeting The Army Guy, Frenchy, Z-man, and Wolfman for a great weekend of swimming and waterslides and family bonding. Bucket was less than thrilled, because he's usually busy on weekends and he does not take time out to go on waterslides. We left right after he got home from work on a Friday afternoon.

We drove for about an hour and a half, and Llama was super-starving. The kind of starving that causes her to shriek at me and throw her snack trap, because a snack trap is just not going to cut it. There is a dearth of resources on the Ohio turnpike, so we ended up at a rest stop McDonald's. (Note: I am not opposed to Happy Meals.) The line was incredibly long, they had about 3 people working, and nobody was happy. There was a man who said he'd been waiting for a chicken sandwich for 40 minutes. Nevertheless, we got some food and hit the road. (Another note: I used to be opposed to eating in the car, but when needs must...)

Llama ate nuggets and fries and fell asleep. The next hour or so was pretty nice. I started to doze off and... Llama woke up, angrily. So we stopped for diaper changes and running, but it was pretty dark and I don't like to let her run in parking lots in the dark. So I wrestled her little angry self back into the car seat with promises of swimming, which were met with smiles and, "Swim? When swim? Swim swim?"

The next hour or so passed uneventfully. Llama was sleeping again, and I called to let my brothers know that we were arriving shortly so they could meet us and help us carry everything in. It was fabulous. Llama woke up and was very, very, very excited, so we let her jump in the bed and run around even though it was 10 o'clock at night.

And then she threw up in the bed. All over herself, the bed, the pillows, and her blankies. Then she tried to run away from it because she's never thrown up like that before, and she continued to throw up. I finally caught her just in time for her to get it all over me, and got her into the bathroom where she got it all over the bathtub. Bucket, that very smart man, was already on the phone with the front desk getting new bedding and asking about laundry facilities.

There are more parts to this story, but I'm pretty sure Llama is calling Tokyo, so I should probably be done with it for now. Part Two: It's all fun and games until a random guy tries to convince you to get B12 shots, will follow shortly.

Monsters are happier than octopi

Last year, Llama was an octopus for Halloween. She was very unhappy about it. There is photographic evidence, but I'm too lazy to go look for it. I'm sure you've seen it before. She was alternately angry and tearful, and her mobility was restricted. It was an issue for her.

This year, nothing could have stopped her. She danced on the tailboard of a firetruck before marching through town with all of the other monsters, grim reapers, and iPods. (Some costumes were more imaginative than others. There was also a pregnant Ben Roethlisberger. Someone should congratulate him. Her? Whichever.)


I had to be that mom and take her picture in front of the fireplace.

She acquired two treat bags, ate Nerds and Cheez Doodles, and was generally enthralled by all of the flashing lights. When the streets are closed by police cars, firetrucks, and volunteer firemen's personal vehicles, there are a lot of flashing lights. Llama likes them. She also likes candy. It was a good night.

A Lesson in Animal Sounds

Llama and I went to a baby shower today. Of course, she tried to steal some presents. One of them was a barn shape sorter with animals, so my friend was doing animal sounds with her.

E: What does a cow say?
Llama: Moo.
E: What does a duck say?
Llama: Mwack. (Llama speak for quack.)
E: What does a pig say?
Llama: Shit.
E: I don't know that kind of pig.
Me: Laughing hysterically.

I have no idea how she made that connection. Of course, I do know where she heard the word "shit," and it was from me. It's time to clean up the ol' vocabulary.